Sam wig-shops with Carrie. She needs to look good for Smith's premiere. Sam says she used to do this at the mall when she was sixteen, "but without the cancer part." After pooh-poohing acrylic hair (does Sam look like she does acrylics?), she tries on a Mrs. Brady shag. How does she look? Carrie peeks over with a Cher wig on and says, "Like Florence Henderson." Yup. And Carrie, could you at least pay attention to your friend with cancer as she wig-shops? Jesus. It would be nice if you didn't have to be called. The wig salesman pops a platinum blonde wig called "Candy" on, and Sam looks like Debbie Harry, Tales of the Crypt era. Sam says she wants to look like herself, not like some frosty hookery nightmare. The wig salesman says she won't look like herself, because these are wigs. Wow, way to poop all over your product. That's like saying, "Please lower your expectations to suit our crappy merchandise. You want to look good? Not. Gonna. Happen. Settle for 42nd Street, back when that meant 25-cent peep shows and not Toys Backwards-R Us. Mmmkay?" He hisses that he's worked with a lot of women with cancer, and Sam shoots back that she doesn't have cancer, she has a premiere. Carrie? Carrie pops out of an aisle with a brown curly wig on, and learns that they're leaving the store. Carrie removes her wig and mouths she's "sorry" to the wig clerk. Why is Carrie always apologizing for Samantha? It's so fucking annoying.
Carrie and Sam have lunch. Sam says she can handle the chemo, but the hair is "too much." She hates looking like a "sick person." And "What if it comes back? I could die, Carrie." The whole time Carrie says Sam isn't "going anywhere" and the cancer was "just a blip of bad luck" and more of that rah-rah-rah nonsense. Sam finally says, "Carrie? Let me talk about what I'm afraid of. Please?" Carrie says, "Okay, I'm here." God, finally! Sam mulls shaving her head. Carrie says she "could be one of those fabulous bald women who's all about earrings." Heh. I know the type. What about those people that shave their eyebrows? That's another "look" that makes dogs cock their heads quizzically. And me, too. Sam sighs. "Cancer. Turns out, not so hilarious!" Word.
Alone in her bathroom, Sam reaches for her leopard-printed electric shaver. It buzzes loudly. Then the camera pulls away and she starts shaving her head. She gets as far as a mini-Cyndi Lauper and then Smith opens the door with his key. He's pissed. "I got your Blackberry message. What do you mean you're not coming to my premiere?" Sam tries to hide what's happening, then drops her hands and shows Smith what she's doing. The cancer head-shave-a-mundo. "It's scary and awful and you can't handle it." Smith says, "Who says I can't handle it?" Sam says he freaked out. Smith says she did too! Well, Smith lost his hard-on! He says, "Shit happens." Wow. Pithy. Bumper sticker? Nah. Too true and glib. Smith grabs the clippers and starts to shave his own head. Sam protests, but he says, "Chill out, I'm busy." And when he's done? He's moving right over to Sam. Carrie VOs, "That night Smith gave Samantha the best head of her life." OY.