Miranda walks through the Brooklyn property. It's a little rough -- the fireplace has missing bricks, windows are unfinished, some walls are missing plaster...but it's got high ceilings and lots of light and is pretty beautiful. Mir walks around flicking light switches and says, "Broken, broken." Steve says, "You mean, Brooklyn, Brooklyn!" Oy. What, is that Spice Girl offspring running around? Steve talks about what he wants to do to the place, and can't Mir imagine all their friends in the dining room? Mir says that none of their friends are ever going to visit them. Steve faces her with a stern but loving face and says, "This isn't just about you anymore. We're a family." Mir listens and looks terrified and a little sick as she says, "Oh my god. I'm married." Yup. So she has to think about it and consider other people's needs and wants. Oof. That's a big one. Steve takes Brady and Scout the dog out back and yells, "Yeeeaaah!" The kid and husband and dog play out back, and Mir looks through the window at them. Aw. Aww! The manager walks over and asks what she thinks of the place. Well, she's interested, but she wants to bring in an engineer, and if the furnace isn't up to code she'll want it replaced, and she'll need a long escrow. Wow. Miranda's buying a house in Brooklyn! Aww!

Premiere! I can tell, because of the klieg lights. Oh, the pretty pretty klieg lights! Smith steps out of the car with his head shaved, and it's so Brad Pittian or Tom Cruisian. Very nice. Then Sam steps out, and she's dressed like L'il Kim. Pink wig, white feathery fur, one nipple showing. Well, kidding about the nipple. OR AM I?

Trudi Stork (the STORK, get it?) sends over the King Charles Spaniel in a basket for Charlotte. Harry is all, "Who is that?" A doggie. Can they keep her? Sure. "Anything that makes you smile like that I'd be stupid not to let you keep." Aw. They name the doggie Elizabeth Taylor Goldenblatt, and this is it: Sex & the City has jumped the shark for real now. Kids and animals are in the show for real for real. This episode has practically been Stuart Little.