Alone in her bathroom, Sam reaches for her leopard-printed electric shaver. It buzzes loudly. Then the camera pulls away and she starts shaving her head. She gets as far as a mini-Cyndi Lauper and then Smith opens the door with his key. He's pissed. "I got your Blackberry message. What do you mean you're not coming to my premiere?" Sam tries to hide what's happening, then drops her hands and shows Smith what she's doing. The cancer head-shave-a-mundo. "It's scary and awful and you can't handle it." Smith says, "Who says I can't handle it?" Sam says he freaked out. Smith says she did too! Well, Smith lost his hard-on! He says, "Shit happens." Wow. Pithy. Bumper sticker? Nah. Too true and glib. Smith grabs the clippers and starts to shave his own head. Sam protests, but he says, "Chill out, I'm busy." And when he's done? He's moving right over to Sam. Carrie VOs, "That night Smith gave Samantha the best head of her life." OY.
Miranda walks through the Brooklyn property. It's a little rough -- the fireplace has missing bricks, windows are unfinished, some walls are missing plaster...but it's got high ceilings and lots of light and is pretty beautiful. Mir walks around flicking light switches and says, "Broken, broken." Steve says, "You mean, Brooklyn, Brooklyn!" Oy. What, is that Spice Girl offspring running around? Steve talks about what he wants to do to the place, and can't Mir imagine all their friends in the dining room? Mir says that none of their friends are ever going to visit them. Steve faces her with a stern but loving face and says, "This isn't just about you anymore. We're a family." Mir listens and looks terrified and a little sick as she says, "Oh my god. I'm married." Yup. So she has to think about it and consider other people's needs and wants. Oof. That's a big one. Steve takes Brady and Scout the dog out back and yells, "Yeeeaaah!" The kid and husband and dog play out back, and Mir looks through the window at them. Aw. Aww! The manager walks over and asks what she thinks of the place. Well, she's interested, but she wants to bring in an engineer, and if the furnace isn't up to code she'll want it replaced, and she'll need a long escrow. Wow. Miranda's buying a house in Brooklyn! Aww!
Premiere! I can tell, because of the klieg lights. Oh, the pretty pretty klieg lights! Smith steps out of the car with his head shaved, and it's so Brad Pittian or Tom Cruisian. Very nice. Then Sam steps out, and she's dressed like L'il Kim. Pink wig, white feathery fur, one nipple showing. Well, kidding about the nipple. OR AM I?