We have party. It's fab, and packed. Pink lights, pretty people, and a white bar onto which many cosmos are being poured. We pan by Pat Fields smoking, and see an adorable tray of cupcakes decorated with little butter-cream shoes, probably from the Cupcake Café. Mmm, cupcakes. Carrie dazedly poses for photos (there's a throng of paparazzi -- as if). Courtney pops up and asks if she's seen Sam, because "Vanity Fair doesn't have a table! Not your problem -- ooh, cute guy!" Courtney is off like a prom dress. Then a sweet older man steps up, saying he's Harold Keenan from the New Yorker (what, was Rebecca Mead unavailable? She's my fave staff writer for the New Yorker, and she writes for Allure, too!), and congratulations to her. Sam glides up, her face hidden behind a massive black veil. She introduces herself, but Carrie stupidly tells her to remove the veil so that Howard Keener can see her face. She does, and Howard gasps, points, and walks away in the direction of his pointing, gnarled finger. Carrie freaks. Out. How could Sam do this to her! It's her party! Sam, Lord love her, begins to testify: She is "entitled to a chemical peel. Women shouldn't have to hide in the shadows after they've had cosmetic surgery, which society nearly demands of them." SING IT, sister! Or something. Carrie, center of the universe, says that "it's [her] party, and [Sam's] scaring people!" On cue, Stanford and Marcus walk up and gasp at Sam's face. Marcus, Mr. Blunt, says that when he got his nose done, he stayed in for a week. Thanks for that. Then Stanford sees Char and speeds off to gloat. Stanford pretends to barely remember Anthony, then introduces Marcus, his boyfriend. They're getting a house in the Hamptons, and Marcus has a large penis. Anthony runs the other way, saying something about shrimp and leaving Char to ask politely, "Where in the Hamptons?"
Mir and Walker make out. He suggests they go to her apartment. She says yes, but first she has to tell him something. "There's someone else," he says. Sort of. She had a baby, but she's "still allowed to have sex!" Walker says he's not good with kids -- hey, neither is Mir! But for now, it's just them, so "let's go screw our brains out." They do.
Kaboom, we have sex -- for the second time this episode! I love the episodes in which people get laid. Mir is appreciating Walker's efforts. Brady, of course, starts crying (Mir is hardly silent), and Mir starts hollering, "Mommy's coming! MOMMY'S COMING!" My b.f. cracks up and tells me that words like "daddy" and "mommy" are verboten in the bedroom forever. Even "who's your daddy" isn't allowed. Walker says he can't do this, and splits before Mir even gets her nut. Brady wails louder. Mir glumly goes into the bedroom to get him, and says, "So, here we are, huh?" But her eyes sparkle, and Carrie VOs that this is the night that Mir "gave in to her little party" and was finally "plus one." Oh, great, more sugar. Maybe I can make lemonade.