So the show starts off with Big in a hotel room with Dom Perignon and strawberries. Carrie knocks on door and says all sexily, "Room service." Big is all, "We've got to stop meeting like this." And then they start going at it. The shot fades to Big in a cheap hotel room, and Carrie knocks and comes in complaining about changing scheduled times to fuck. Carrie tells us, "Our affair, like our hotels, had gone from elegant with crystal to seedy with plastic cups." So it went from Big's level to Carrie's level? The two of them are lying in bed, Carrie smoking and Big eating cheese crackers. Carrie complains about the room being too hot, and Big reminds her that she is the one who chose it. She says she chose it because it is in a location where no one they know will see them. Big doesn't care who sees them, and Carrie doesn't want anyone to get hurt. They start to kiss but Carrie pulls away because it is too hot in the room. Big wonders if she is saving it for her boyfriend, and she gets all pissed. Big apologizes, and Carrie asks how they got to where they are now. Um, I believe it started with Big pushing himself onto you in that elevator and then it moved onto making fuck appointments. At what point did you become confused, Carrie?
Carrie and Miranda sitting are together at a bar, and Miranda looks totally gorgeous and Carrie looks like a female Bruce Springsteen the way she has her t-shirt sleeves rolled up. Carrie tells her that she is having an affair with Big and has started smoking again. Miranda asks for a cigarette, so Carrie gives her one and tells her, "Don't inhale. Do you hate me? Say you don't hate me." Miranda tells her she doesn't hate her and then asks how long she has been with Big. Carrie tells her it has been three weeks and she is in the middle of it and can't see, so she wants Miranda to yank her out of it. Miranda tells her to think about CIM, and Carrie tells her she is afraid Big is getting jealous of CIM and is going to call him or tell Natasha, and she doesn't want to hurt CIM. She wonders if Big only wants her now because he can't have her, and Miranda tells her straight out, "Yes." Carrie is afraid she has messed everything up and it will never be the way it used to be. Gee, what makes you think that, Carrie? The fact that you have been fucking a man who threw you over for a younger woman, while you have a man who loves you waiting at home for you? Carrie wonders if she can be like the people in movies who have affairs and then realize what they have at home is the best thing, so they go back to their old relationships and no one gets hurt. Miranda tells her, "I don't watch Lifetime Television for Women," and to just stop. I'm loving how Miranda is telling Carrie everything she doesn't want to hear and is trying to smack some sense into her. Carrie tells her she is going to stop. Just like she stopped smoking? I don't think the "Big Patch" is available yet. Miranda asks if Charlotte knows and Carrie tells her if she told "The world according to Bride," Charlotte would kill her. Miranda is all, "At least you wouldn't have to be a bridesmaid then." Ha!
Samantha walks into a new bar on the West Side, and Carrie tells us, "It was the typical male mix: ten percent Wall Street, ten percent real estate, ten percent she'd already slept with." Samantha sees a man from across the room and Carrie tells us, "His name was Tom Reymi. A Manhattan legend...the male Samantha." Oh good god. He walks over to Samantha, and they already know who the other is. It's good to know that they each know they are the male and female Mattress-Backs of Manhattan. That way, they can compare notes on each other with their friends. They decide to skip the small talk and pleasantries and go home to fuck. Back at his apartment, the two of them are macking and he asks if she swings, and shows her his sex swing. She gets all hot and bothered and tells him she always wanted to join the circus. He asks her when was the last time she had an AIDS test, and tells her he was tested three weeks ago. Carrie tells us, "The only sex test she had ever taken was the Cosmo quiz." He asks if she has been tested, and she looks all sheepish and tells him she knows she is healthy. He tells her he can't have sex with her the way he wants unless he knows she is safe, and that she should really get a test because he is a very good fuck and she won't regret it. Samantha looks all confused. I can't believe that Reymi wasn't all disgusted that a tramp like Samantha never bothered to test herself. If I was with someone who I knew got around as much as they did and I found out he had never had a test, I would be running out of their apartment yelling, "Cooties! Cooties!"