The show begins with Carrie VOing that she'd been in LA a week, and scored an appointment with "the city's premier [bikini] waxer to the stars." Because I guess she blew off any further script conferences with Warner Brothers about making a movie from her columns, and she had all this free time on her hands to spend in the city on the studio's dime. Uh-huh. Yeah. Whatever. We see Carrie lying down on her back while a woman who looks like the prison matron in a B-movie chicks-behind-bars flick barks at her in an inscrutable Eastern European accent. The woman rips some strips of wax off of Carrie's legs very quickly. I think we all know where this is going. The waxer proclaims her work "booteefull" and lets Carrie glimpse at it in a hand mirror. Carrie gapes.
Cut to the hotel pool. Carrie is bitching about getting "mugged" of her pubic hair. Samantha, on the chaise lounge next to her, informs Carrie this is known as "a Brazilian wax," as if, as Rolymorp pointed out on the forums, a sophisticated New York female sex columnist would have absolutely no knowledge of this practice. ["Shit, I live between Mayberry and Petticoat Junction, and I know what a Brazilian wax is!" -- Nicole] Carrie complains about feeling like a "hairless dog." Oh my, that one's too easy -- PASS. Miranda, on the next chaise in an incredibly ugly orange-and-yellow patterned bikini, says that the Brazilian is very popular in this city because "L.A. men are too lazy to go looking for anything." Carrie quips a complaint about not being able to "hide a light under a bush." Heh. Carrie adds that she's "very aware of down there now" and feels "like [she's] nothing but walking sex." Samantha warns Carrie, seemingly from her own personal experience, to be "very careful" until her pubes grow back, because the Brazilian can make her "do crazy things." This coming from a woman who's prompted to do crazy sexual things whenever the sun rises or a car horn honks or a take-out menu is slid under her door. Whatever. Miranda stands and picks up a big wicker appliquéd beach bag that's almost as hideous as her swimsuit, and tells the girls that she's going to leave to meet an old friend, "Letterman Lou." She explains that Lou doesn't work for Letterman anymore, but moved to L.A. to write for a sitcom that, from the gals dialogue, sounds suspiciously like Friends. Carrie and Miranda badmouth Friends for awhile for being a completely unrealistic take on Manhattan life, and the SATC writers need to just let their envy of the success of that show go already, don't you think? Miranda says that she's looking forwarding to savaging the L.A. lifestyle with Lou over a couple of drinks. I think we all know where this is going. Carrie tells Miranda that she and Samantha are going to a "movie premiere thing" that night, to which Carrie will be granted access because of her press pass. Uh-huh.
Then Miranda begins her subplot by walking into a restaurant called The Flowing Tree. Carrie VOs that she had difficulty finding "pale, chubby" Lou among all the "tan, fit, happy" Angelenos. Miranda finally spots a guy in shorts and a Knicks cap. He beams at her and tells her hello. Miranda is shocked because he's lost so much weight. She sits down at his table. He asks her to join him for a drink. She gets up to leave, because the "bleached teeth" of the restaurant's patrons are "blinding" her. But Lou wants them to stay there and have "green tea infusions." Lou confesses that he loves L.A. Miranda wonders where her fat friend who used to drink alcohol and "make fun of happy people" went. Lou says he's let go of his "toxic New York anger" and is one of the happy people now. Miranda takes all this in, obviously feeling out of place. Lou suggests that they go on "a hike." Miranda sports a WTF? look.