HBO presents...Sarah Jessica Parker being splashed by a bus. Cha cha cha!
Fade up on Carrie at home, typing away on her laptop. Her face glows bluish as she recalls her gal pal Susan Sharon, the gal with two first names who works for an Italian cashmere company, marrying a "very mean man." We flash back to another Manhattan apartment, where a very mean man screams at Susan Sharon for listening to his CDs, and even worse, putting the Natalie Imbruglia CD into the U2 jewel case. Carrie grabs her coat and flees the scene. I'd be right behind you, Car. What horrible, pedestrian taste in music! We return to VO, and Carrie says she now only sees Susan Sharon twice a year or so, and usually only when her husband is out of town.
Carrie and Susan Sharon cruise by the Museum of Natural History, sharing a cigarette and enjoying the evening. Car's in a sleek tan coat with a fun fur trim and a pink top; Sharon, all in black. Carrie giggles as Sharon recalls taking two Halcion with an airplane dinner and a cocktail and having to be slapped awake by the stewardess after drooling on herself on the tarmac in Milan for thirty minutes. Creepy! Car's giggle slips a bit when Shar totally bogarts her smoke. Hey, at least she didn't steal your lighter, Car. Shar abruptly grabs Car by the shoulders and steers her across the street, demanding they go up to her apartment. "I've got something for you." Carrie makes the perfect "whoa" face.
Once inside, Carrie exclaims that "Wow!" the place looks great. She's fiercely shushed by Susan Sharon. The Very Mean Man is asleep. Just like a giant. Sharon dances off to get whatever it is she's got for Carrie (Italian cashmere, maybe?) and Carrie VOs that Susan Sharon's apartment is like one in which omnipresent parents lurk, forbidding fun or sitting on certain pieces of furniture. That's all The Very Mean Man's doing, I'm sure. What babe that ODs on Halcion during business trips would care where you sit? You'd be lucky if she didn't fall off the couch during the twice-annual visits. I'm now getting a very funny picture in my head of Susan Sharon's furniture covered in plastic, which she slides off in slow motion after too many Valium. But no one's furniture would ever be covered in plastic on this show. A plastic dress, yes. Maybe even blue aquaturf as a floor covering. But no plastic slipcovers.
Anyway, Car opens the ever-present Barneys box and, of course, it's Italian cashmere. Carrie gushes appropriately. "It's a cashmere-ical!" Susan Sharon then says all in one rush, "You'd never guess how much Barneys gets for a sweater like this -- nine hundred dollars." Carrie barely gets to protest she doesn't want to hear how much her gift cost before hearing the number. Car is all, "I could really use the cash!" Shar doesn't care. "Why do you think they call it CASH-mere!" Oh, the jokes don't stop. The two women cackle and collapse against each other; then before you can say fee-fie-fo-fum, here comes The Very Mean Man. He screams and bellows about their "arrangement" about guests after nine, and yells about being on "London time," and finally thunders that they should "take their fucking noise somewhere else." Carrie cringes, collects her coat, and tiptoes out. Sharon is like, you don't have to, but Car wants to. As she sidles by the Very Mean Man, she says, "Goodnight, grumpy." VMM's response is "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Carrie skedaddles like a bead of condensation on the side of a bottle of Coke. She knew taunting the VMM was a bad idea. He and Shar get in each other's faces, screaming for the other to "shut the fuck up," as the door slams.