Sex and the City
The Big Time

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The Big Time

The ballerina/bag lady does a pas de d'oh on a busy New York City sidewalk, and the credits end.

Carrie brags about Manhattan in the voice-over as "a place where you can get anything, anytime." We see Miranda hail a cab "at 2 a.m." and Samantha receive a delivery of Chinese "at 3 a.m." Chinese food, that is; she already has a naked guy standing behind her as she answers the door for the delivery guy. Then we see Carrie running up to her dry cleaners, which is all locked up, and she bitches about them not being open, although I guess this is 4 a.m. The tuba on the soundtrack bleats, and I guess we're supposed to think some cruel plot is afoot to keep Carrie away from her fine unwashables, and we're not supposed to come to the conclusion that Carrie needs to stop being a whiny princess and start showing up at the dry cleaners during their normal business hours. I'm sure there must be a 24-hour dry cleaners in Manhattan; why didn't she just take her clothes there? Besides, it's not like she has a day job; she writes her column one day a week, then has lunches, boozes it up, and shoe-shops the other six days. Whatever. ["Amen, sister." -- Nicole]

Then we cut to a montage of Charlotte and Kyle MacLachlan, with whom she's "spending all of her time." Carrie VOs that's Kyle's name is Trey and he's a doctor with "family money," but we'll call him Kyle and try not to be surprised that Charlotte's latest (and perhaps final) hubby candidate happens to be loaded. We see a montage of Charlotte and Kyle necking and doing romantic date things. If you've seen an Estee Lauder perfume commercial, you know the drill, so I'll spare you the details. Except for one: Charlotte's not putting out for him yet. Carrie wraps things up by telling us Kyle was "one New Yorker who wasn't getting anything anytime." ["He probably has Nomi Malone on the side to have crazy pool sex with." -- Nicole]

Did y'all know the theme this week is time? If not, run for cover, 'cause there's metaphor storm brewing.

Cut to a nail salon, where Carrie and Charlotte are holding their freshly painted nails under drying lamps and Charlotte is gushing about Kyle. She confesses to Carrie that she let Kyle get to second. Carrie: "Avenue?" Charlotte tells her that she means second base. Carrie makes a high-school level relationship allusion, but stumbles by mentioning "physics class," as if she or Charlotte are supposedly brainy enough to have taken physics in high school. Charlotte giggles and admits that Kyle may be "the one," so she's "trying not to ruin it by having sex with him too early." She adds her belief that if you don't have sex for a year, you can "re-grow" your virginity. Carrie takes this as a cue to tell us how she lost her virginity. Yeah, I know, no one asked, but if you must know, it involved a rec room ping-pong table, half a joint, and less time than it takes to dissolve a package of Pop Rocks. Which was fine by Carrie, because we all know she lacks patience; she's even trying to rush her nail-drying in this scene by waving her hands about and blowing on them, which, along with the Nicorette gum smacking, is so terribly, terribly classy. Not. Next.

Speaking of Carrie's lack of taste and class, we cut to her bed, where Chris in the Morning, clad only in boxers, white socks, and several leather and pewter chokers, has beached himself for the duration. Carrie VOs that they never leave this bed (negating the previous scene in which Carrie ventured out to have her nails done with Charlotte) and her mattress has become "our restaurant, our entertainment center, our own little New York." Which is apt, since CIM is definitely large enough to embody one if not all of the five boroughs. Can Giuliani clean up the blighted eyesores in this New York, please? Anyway, the camera zooms towards CIM's preponderance of potbelly as he lies on his back like a pasha and Carrie feeds noodles into his mouth. She wonders when a "search party" will be sent to find them. CIM unworriedly replies, "Spring thaw," because he has enough blubber on him to last another seven months on her bed without fear of starvation.

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