Cut to Samantha taking envelopes out of her mailbox in her lobby. Carrie VOs some exposition about Samantha's new apartment in the meatpacking district. ["I wish the writers would stop making a point of saying how 'hip and trendy' the meatpacking district is -- it isn't anymore." -- Sars] And that Samantha had "a new admirer." Cue the Hey It's That Guy who plays Dr. Cusamano on The Sopranos to pop in from the stairwell and leer at her, declaring, "There goes the neighborhood!" He has so much room to talk with his Mr. Furley patter and untucked white linen caftan-ish shirt and greying ponytail. Not. He introduces himself as Len, and Samantha lets him kiss her hand before completely blowing off his offer to join him for a "mean wine spritzer." ["I think the words 'mean' and 'wine spritzer' are mutually exclusive, don't you?" -- Nicole] Carrie VOs that Samantha thought he was an "over-the-hill loser," in case we couldn't read all that from the context of the actors' body language, expressions and dialogue. But we could, so let's move on.
Cut to a martini bar, where we join Samantha in mid-hissy because her mail included a catalog for pre-menopausal women called New Transitions. She tells the other members of the Fab Four, "I am not transitioning, I'm happening!" She blames winding up on the mailing list on her trial Mirabella subscription, which was pretty funny. Charlotte picks up the catalog and starts reading about possible symptoms during the ten years pre-menopause, which include "month-long PMS, hot flashes, and irregular periods." Carrie quips that the upside is people giving their seats up to you on the bus. As if the Fab Four would ever be seen on -- shudder to think -- public transportation. Besides, Carrie's outfit is much funnier; the other women look elegant as usual, but she's sipping a martini while wearing a vintage seventies track jacket that looks like something Farrah Fawcett-Majors wore while skateboarding. Just then Charlotte freaks, because she found a catalog page featuring "vagina weights." Samantha's voice drops to a bawdy baritone, and she declares, "Honey, my vagina waits for no man," neatly demonstrating how one can rob Tallulah Bankhead's grave without using a shovel and ruining one's manicure. I for one am hoping that Samantha is experiencing the "change of life," if it means sparing us from her now-tired whorehouse madam shtick for the remaining seasons of this show. Anyway, Charlotte wonders about vagina muscles; she had no idea exercises could be done to make them remain tight. Samantha says that she "tightens and releases" for ten minutes a day. And she's doing that "right now." Carrie gnaws on her gum, grins, and proclaims, "Damn! She's good," which was pretty funny. Then Miranda and Charlotte admit that they'll be happy not to have periods anymore. Charlotte calls hers "Flo." Samantha tells her not to. Miranda 'fesses that she's currently having cramps. Carrie seconds that motion. Charlotte exclaims excitedly, "Oh my God! We're all synched up! I heard about that happening!" Everyone beams and/or smirks, except for Samantha, who realizes that she's out of the -- ahem -- loop. She guesses that she's "late."
Cut to Carrie running around in front of her dry cleaners again. They've just closed and locked up the storefront, and she waves her claim ticket around and whines like a baby because they won't let her in. I'm surprised that they don't let her claim some decent clothes to wear, since she's walking around on the sidewalk while only wearing that tacky thrift store track jacket, pink pantyhose and stiletto heels. But New York laundry clerks have hearts of stone, I guess. Boo hoo. She whines that "her fabulous party dress will be staying in for the evening." I guess she's as sick of being house-bound with CIM as the viewers are. ["Hey, do her big-ass flowers get dry cleaned too? Just wondering." -- Nicole]