At Miranda's office, she gets a phone call from Steve. He wants to meet her to try to help out their relationship. She resists, citing a meeting, but eventually gives in. Cut to a pet store. Steve is picking out a puppy while Miranda asks him how this will solve their problems. Steve admits they're not ready for a baby; a puppy would be good practice. Miranda wonders who'd take care of the pup. Steve holds an animal in front of his face and pleads for her to adopt him like he's Adam Sandler doing an impression of "Crazy Puppy Dog Head Man." Miranda folds. Carrie VOs that Miranda was "surrounded by bitches, but didn't want to be one."
Cut to Charlotte's hallway. She and Kyle are necking goodnight. He wants her to -- ahem -- invite him in. She tells him she has to get up early. They part. Then he knocks at her door. She calls him "persistent." He tells her that he's in love with her. She confesses that she's in love with him. Charlotte lets Kyle in the door. Carrie VOs that Kyle received a hand job for giving Charlotte "everything she ever wanted."
Then it's 3 a.m. over on the set of thirtysomething, and Steve and Miranda's new puppy is whimpering. It's in a box near Miranda's side of the bed, and she harshes at it and practically throws her alarm clock in the box to calm it down by using the mother's ticking heartbeat trick. Before the ASPCA can protest, Miranda decides to quite justly take her frustration out on Steve instead of the helpless little animal, so she shoves him awake. She gets her bitch on and wails, "Are you happy? We get this puppy and already I'm the only one taking care of it." Steve admits that he's not happy, and if you were woken up like that, wouldn't you too? It's all downhill from here even though Steve picks up the "poochie, poochie puppy boy" and tries to be winsomely cute by waving the dog around in Miranda's face. Miranda gets out of bed and screams that she's "sick of" him being the kid all the time. Steve tells her they're just in a "rough patch." Miranda admits that they're relationship is rough "all the time," and that "it's not good!" Referring, I guess, to the script and her current continuity-free plotline, since wasn't she just last episode telling Carrie that her relationship with Steve had gotten so comfortable she was growing complacent about it? Isn't this break-up coming completely out of left field? Anyway, Steve looks grim and asks her if she's willing to just "give up" on them. Miranda tells him that she's been "trying" to cope with their bad relationship for a while now. Carrie VOs that Miranda just then had an epiphany: Miranda hasn't been the bad guy all along; it's their relationship that's been bad. I guess Miranda is as handy with self-serving rationalizations as Carrie is with wrong-headed generalizations. Carrie VOs that "there is never a good time to say what she had to say." Miranda tells him that it's over, and sends Steve and the little whimpering puppy packing. I agree that there are (suddenly) serious, irreparable flaws in Steve and Miranda's relationship, and there's really no good time to break up with someone, but with a little compassion and thoughtfulness one might try not to toss out one's live-in partner and a helpless little puppy onto the street in the middle of the night. But that's just me. Adios, Steve.
Cut to Miranda's law firm, where just the next morning, Carrie VOs that Miranda made partner. A roomful of suits applauds Miranda's heartlessness. I bet her cruel treatment of the puppy sealed the approval of her fellow lawyers. Couldn't have happened to a nicer gal.