Final five of the toy group. Miranda has caught Dog Show fever and stands up, screaming feverishly for ET. ET blinks languidly. Char bats her eyes and swings her hair when the judge comes over to her. It's very Betty Boop-ish, but it's working: the judge is clearly taken with her charm. Is that how she won the gymnastics competition, I wonder? Then a teeny drop of blood falls onto her boot. She smiles and bats and tosses her WASP-y little heart out. It works. First prize! First prize! Anthony touches the arm of the one hot guy there and says, "That's my friend." Char takes her victory lap around the ring in slow-motion, as Carrie VOs: "To the judge, she was best in show. Period." Oy. Exclamation point.
Après dog show, a silver-haired gentleman approaches Sam. (Love Sam's Chanel bag and mink-trimmed coat, by the way.) Could the guy have Smith's phone number? Sam says she's fucking Smith Jerrod. The man laughs condesendeningly and says, "Please." Grrr. It's enough to make a girl's wig crooked!
So, Sam makes a sex video. With Smith. She commands him to fuck her doggy-style. "Hey, it worked for Paris Hilton. I need to set the record straight. Literally!" Oy. Oh, and could Smith please say that "Samantha Jones is one hot piece of ass, he could fuck her all night long, Samantha Jones." Smith doesn't care that people think he's gay, though. Sam doesn't care. This isn't about him. Carrie VOs that the next day, those PR wags get a triple-x from FedEx.
Boom boom boom boom boom, boom boom boom boom. DOG PARK! Boom boom boom boom boom, boom boom boom boom. DOG PARK!
Char, Harry, and ET enjoy a day out at the dog park. Harry encourages Char to let ET off the leash. But, she's still OTR. Riding the teeny tiny cotton pony. You know, not at her best, because her dog vagina is bleeding. So the other dogs try to "gang-bang" her. This is kind of funny, but also ridiculous. Cartoony to the max. I love that a terrier is the first one to mount ET. My dog, Artie, is a terrier just like that one. He has a Friendster.com profile too! If your dog has a profile on there, make him or her friends with my dog. I love doing that. Then, a collie runs up. Then, it's a pile-on. Char freaks out.
The girls hang out at Asia de Cuba ["Oh my God, I've totally eaten there! I'm cool!" -- Wing Chun], waiting for Carrie's "lover de Russia." Sam, in a Foxy Brown afro wig, says that ET's getting gang-banged is "so '80s!" Oh, boy. Carrie's cell phone rings. It's Alek. He can't come. He's sorry. When she hangs up, the waiters bring champagne over. Woo hoo! Now that's attention to detail. Speaking of detail, everyone looks fabulous. Carrie's in pink evening gloves and a beautiful white and silver beaded dress. Mir's in a rust-colored beaded tank, Sam's in a red dress and great long earrings, and Char's in a '70s-looking black halter dress. Lovely! Really pretty all around. The girls are disappointed but understand; Alek's working, he has the big show in Paris coming up, and he couldn't get away. Carrie suggests cracking open the bottle and, when it's done, going over to Alek's studio to meet him: "He's always saying I should be more spontaneous!" Whoops. I smell backfire.