Miranda lets herself into her apartment and gasps: Blair Underwood is cooking dinner for her. Ooh, Dr. Robert! Magda let him in, and he's prepared his one specialty: enchiladas. Miranda licks the sauce off his fingers and says, "Ooh. Spicy." And she's not just talking about the food! Blair nods knowingly and says he knows she can handle it. And he's not just talking about the...oh, never mind. Then, he drops a bomb. Would Miranda take the day off of work tomorrow? Brady's with his dad, and he doesn't have to work until seven, so they could spend the whole day together. Mir looks slightly put out. I have to say, don't do it, Miranda. You're already in trouble at the office, and conflicted about being a working mom. When a man asks you to miss work for purely selfish reasons, you shouldn't give in. Why doesn't he call out of work so they can spend the evening together? Exactly. No man would. So why should a woman?
Morning. Miranda and Blair (oh, Blair!) are making love. So she didn't take my advice. Oh, well, at least she's getting laid. Steve lets himself in, pokes his head around, and walks right in on the love-fest. He screams, "Whoa, whoa!" Then Miranda screams; then we see Blair's ass and everyone at home screams; then everyone at home rewinds and pauses, rewinds and pauses, and screams some more. Blair and Mir untangle themselves and throw on some clothes, and Steve turns too quickly and smacks his nose, hard. It's bleeding. Miranda screams yet again. "Oh my god, are you okay?" No, he's shocked, stunned, and now wounded and bleeding. Blair quickly switches gears into doctor mode and takes him under his wing. Steve is all, "Whoa, who the hell are you!" It's okay, he's a doctor. And fine. And, Miranda adds, her "boyfriend." Steve is stunned. Blair, a little tickled. Mir asks, "Is it okay that I call you that?" Blair loves it. Mir has yet another outburst prefaced with "oh my god! Who's watching the baby?" Steve bleats, his "Maaaaa." Oh boy, Maaaa is back! At least Maaaa is getting name-checked. We were just talking about her on the boards. Well, wondering, anyway. Blair takes Steve into the bathroom and sits him down on the edge of the tub. After examining his nose, Blair asks Mir for a tampon. Steve asks disgruntledly if Blair is "a nose guy." Blair says, "Sports medicine," and Mir can't resist chiming in, "For the Knicks!" Steve suffers yet another blow to the ego. God, how great for Miranda to be able to humiliate Steve this way, particularly after diving under her bed to avoid Debbie a few weeks back. Blair then shoves the tampon up Steve's nose. Perfect.
At lunch with the girls, Miranda retells the Steve-meets-Blair story. She says she feels badly for Steve, being in such a vulnerable position, what with the sex and the bloody nose. Oh, boy. Mir still has feelings for Steve. Sam says, "Well, you won!" Mir says that "it isn't a contest," and Sam points out that Mir was "fucking a hot black doctor" and Steve "had a tampon up his nose...no contest!" Yup. Pretty much. Mir admits she felt a little glimmer of happy-evil schadenfreude at seeing Steve's confusion, and also conflicted -- she's crazy about Robert, so why should she care about Steve's stupid feelings? Because crazy would be nothing without stupid, is why. Carrie, of course, can turn this into a conversation about herself. "When I saw Big the other night..." Everyone is all, WHAAA? You saw Biiiiig? Carrie demurs that he's "in town for a little heart thing." Mir asks if "he's on the wait-list to get one." Heh. Carrie intones that Mir's going to feel "incredibly bad in a minute" when she and everyone else learn that Big has heart surgery scheduled, since they found a block-hoo-hoo! Angio-waah! Carrie loses it AGAIN. And when she drops her head to sob, we can see the four inches of root she's rocking. Dark ring, begone! What, did Garnier fire you? Then she tearfully explains that she cried like this when he told her. So, his heart blockage is leading to your heartrending sobs, WE GET IT. God.