Carrie hangs at Starbucks with her laptop for company. She wonders if everyone else there is also newly coupled, and in mid-fight. Because if you aren't like Carrie, what are you? Finally, we get to the question of the week: "What are we fighting for?"
Trey comes home with a surprise giftie for Charlotte. Now he sounds French: "Jasht a lit-tle seel-ly sahmthing." She opens it, and it's a cardboard cutout of a baby. Rather odd. He smiles; she does not. He tells her, "Now we can relax, because we have one." Char gets up and leaves, saying, "Don't talk to me."
Mir caps the Vaseline, puts on her conditioning gloves, mutes Ron Popeil, and calls her multilingual fox to set up a date. Friday night, her place? She's gonna get some booty.
Sam, in her apartment, smells the pink rose Dick gave her, sighs, then tosses it in the trash.
Carrie returns home, juiced up on lattes, ready to accept her man's apology and "admit how silly [she'd] been." How big of her! But he doesn't apologize. He just sniffs as she comes in. He's moved a bunch of his boxes, though. But now that she's got it, she doesn't seem to enjoy the silence, as she steps over Petey.
Dinner at Charlotte's. Carrie's ranting that it's been three days since she and Aidan have spoken. Jesus! I could never hold out that long. Carrie says she'll be damned if she apologizes first. Must I wonder again, WHY these two are getting married? I mean, it wouldn't kill Carrie to be the bigger person ONCE in her life, considering that they were both wrong and both said things they regretted. Char says she and Trey don't yell, since "WASPs don't yell. It's genetic!" Gag me with a white organdy dress. And a pink sash. Mir rushes though the salad, asking about the next course. Carrie tells her to dial it back, but Miranda perks up when she hears it's beef with Thai noodles. Mir's date is tonight, hence the rush. Sam mentions that Richard is thinking of opening a hotel in Thailand, la la la! And she insists again that the only thing she likes about Richard is his "pink, perfect, rock-hard, throbbing dick." Isn't that what she likes about every guy? Oh, right -- she's trying to convince herself that she's not falling for this one, because Samantha Is Afraid Of Intimacy. She should get a tattoo on her ass that spells it out. Trey walks in. Whoops, he forgot he wasn't supposed to be home tonight. And he guesses Char told everyone about the cardboard baby. She hadn't. Well, he meant it to be funny. It wasn't. Char gets more and more upset as he keeps talking, trying to sell the girls on the idea that it's funny and "silly," and the girls exchange looks around the table. See, Trey, jokes have to be in context. Char illustrates my point by asking what would happen if she gave him "a cardboard cutout of a big, flaccid penis?" Trey charges out of the room, and Char runs after him, yelling that if he brings that "flat baby in here [she] will kill [him]!" Then, "total WASP's nest." Meltdown, WASP-style, which means fewer "shut ups" and "fucks," but more "you're spoileds" and "big babys!" Richard calls just then, and Samantha gratefully takes that as her cue to escape; the girls extract themselves and say goodnight.
Sam strolls onto Dick's poolside deck. What's so important, she wonders? This, he says, and gestures to a small table set for dinner, with wine. Sam looks slightly terrified. She says they need to get something straight -- she "wants no part of that." "That" being a romantic dinner for two. "That leads to a big screaming mess. We are work and sex, nothing more." Aww, poor Sam! She asks that he take off his pants and show her his dick. He asks that she go first. She drops her dress; he, his pants. For a fraction of an instant, we see cock. WOOO! I've been asking for more cock in movies for the last ten years. THANK GOD S&TC broke the cock barrier! Congratulations, everyone. Next time, can it be at least semi-hard? Thanks. ["You might want to start watching Oz. No shortage of cock there." -- Sars] Sam says, "That's what I'm talking about." Me too, woman! They dive into the pool, and we get a few more long shots of Dick's johnson. Yay!