Post-coitus, I presume, Carrie and Berger settle in to sleep. He's all, "Welcome to my apartment, night," and then a chorus of crickets and a gulping frog starts up. The hell? Berger is a "troubled sleeper," and this is his audio sleep aid. Carrie is appalled. Then a bird calls. She says, "I feel like I'm camping. I'm not a big fan of camping." Berger says he'll make s'mores for her in the morning, then says the tape was a gift from Lauren. He tries to go on about it and her and his sleep issues, but Carrie shushes him. Then he says, "After a while you won't even hear it." She VOs that she "hopes he means his ex-decorator's name."
Ah, the Empire State Building. We pan down to the sidewalk to see the four girls in high casual cocktail-party garb, heading into an apartment building. Sam and Miranda don't want to go to this party they're headed into, but Carrie and Charlotte want to "be supportive" since this "friend" tried to commit suicide -- even though it was "six Advil on an empty stomach."
Hey, it's Jennifer Lewis, a.k.a. Stifler's mom (MILF! MILF!), a charming character actress who cracked me up in Best in Show. There's a tight close-up on her face as she chants the reasons why she's doing so well right now: she's "off the Zoloft, dropped ten pounds, then after the asshole dumped [her], [she] realized [she] had a gift for making bags! It's a purse party!" She waves her arm like one of Barker's beauties at a table bulging with loud and tacky bags. MILF holds up one covered with tiny wax fruits and says, "You can take it to lunch!" The girls ooh and aah kindly. MILF says, "Isn't life funny? Because of that fucker, I discovered I'm Fendi! Buy away!" Hee! Monica Lewinsky is sitting at home right now, clutching a Razzmatazz sour appletini (or maybe even a Pucker DeKuyper sour watermelontini) and going, "Shout-out?" I think so, Mon. Hey, at least it's not a stain-on-a-dress joke. It's not even a joke, really. I keep waiting for all the knitting-after-9/11 jokes to emerge. I keep waiting for the scarf my sister said she was making for me. I saw her giant knitting needles. I even picked out yarn. That scarf is like the so-called weapons of mass destruction.
Mir looks askance at the collection of bags and wonders, "When did making purses become a fallback career?" Since Monica, is when. Sam says that "owning a hot glue gun does not make you a hot designer." Carrie says, "These aren't bags, they're baggage. We are looking at the ruins of a failed relationship. And it was one ugly breakup." Then, of course, the topic of conversation goes back to herself. "Berger just opened up the 'ex' file last night." Char's curiosity is piqued. "Fascinating! What have you learned?" Not a lot, and frankly, Carrie would have preferred to remain ignorant of any facts. Char says that when you learn about the ex, you learn what you're getting into. Sam says that as long as you get "doesn't itch," you're doing all right. Wow, an STD joke. That's not sexy. Carrie says, "He has a past, I have a past; do our pasts really have to have a present." Carrie wanted to skip all that. Wouldn't it be nice? But, much like this show, relationships have to follow a certain formula. Unless you're screwing around, which has to follow a formula of discretion. I think. Sam sees her hottie waiter from last week and blurts out, "I fucked him!" The waiter is Jason Lewis, who I just saw on Beverly Hills 90210 playing a hot young actor who turned the head of Valerie Malone. Now, like eight years later, here he is on S&TC playing a hot young waiter/actor who turns the head and opens the legs of Samantha Jones. Talk about range. I like him with the longer hair. He notices Sam and looks pleased. Sam takes a glass of champagne (Veuve Clicquot, I think?) and says, "This party just got a little more exciiiitiiiing!"