Back at home post-brunch, Carrie sits with her laptop and muses on relationships in grammatical terms. You know, past tense, present tense, future perfect tense. "How much does that past relationship remind one of a future perfect?" And she couldn't help but wonder: "Can you get to a future if your past is present?" Hmm.
Sam sticks her toes in Hottie Waiter's ear. Does he have to leave? Yeah, he has to pull another shift at the restaurant. He got fired from his other gig, remember? Sam offers him something: $300. That's what A-List Catering staff gets. He looks at the bills, then tosses them down, saying, "Lady, you are out of your fucking mind." She looks shocked and disappointed that he refuses the cash. Honey, didn't you ever see BUtterfield 8? NO SALE!
Carrie reads the paper in Berger's apartment as he putters around getting ready for breakfast with a bunch of writer friends. He'd invite her along, but they're a "rather pathetic bunch." Carrie assures him that he's not pathetic. His phone rings, and he heads out the door without acknowledging it. She's all, you gonna get that? He thinks it can only be one word: Telemarketer. Carrie thinks it's a "two-word hyphenate." Oh, ha ha, writers. They love to talk about words. And shit. The machine picks up; it's Lauren. She wants to talk to Berger, so would he call her later? He flips off the machine first with one finger, then both. "Fuck you, and FUCK YOU!" Then, to Carrie: "Bye-bye!" Carrie looks at him, horrified. I totally crack up.
Carrie rehashes the situation with Sam as they walk down the sidewalk. Carrie doesn't want there to be a "double-finger situation" with her b.f.'s ex. Now she has "to open the ex-file." She has so many questions. Sam agrees, "Men are crazy." Why, just the other day she offered to pay Hottie Waiter for sex (or at least after it), and he got pissed off and left! Carrie looks at her and is all, "Not the same situation. $300 in a restaurant is a big tip, $300 in the bedroom is a big prostitute." Sam says at least she's not having phone sex. Carrie says, "HE called ME."
Mir confronts Steve about the cache of condoms in the diaper bag. "I'm not happy our baby is having sex already, but at least he's being safe." Hee. She asks, "How much sex are you having that you have to keep rubbers in the diaper bag?" Steve's all, "What's it to you?" Carrie VOs that "contents of Miranda's baggage may have shifted during fight." Mir says she thinks Steve is not taking parenting seriously enough. He's mad. "What? Okay -- what's your problem?" She's worried that when he's putting his penis in Debbie's vagina and having an orgasm, his concentration won't be a hundred percent on Brady's needs. As she rants, Brady crawls toward the edge of the sofa, ultimately toppling off the edge. Clunk! Waah! Waah! Mir picks him up, saying, "See!" Carrie VOs that they agree only "on separate diaper bags."