Sex and the City
The Real Me

Episode Report Card
Nicole: B+ | Grade It Now!
A Model Friend

Miranda is finishing her date with CRUNCH guy; it seems that she did almost no talking during the date. Miranda didn't mind, and CRUNCH guy seems to get turned on by it; they kiss, and he tells her she is sexy.

Carrie comes home to a ringing phone. It is Margaret Cho calling Carrie "Miss Mother Fucker" and asking her why Carrie hasn't called back. Carrie tells her that she doesn't know whether she can model, and Margaret tells her that Dolce and Gabbana picked her to dress. Carrie is one happy non-model. I hope Dolce and Gabbana will dress her in a new coat, because the '70s knit Technicolor dreamcoat she is wearing now is making my eyes bleed.

Oh, Alan Cumming! You are so perfect as the Dolce and Gabbana stylist guy who chooses what everyone wears for the show! Carrie walks out of the dressing room in a floral-print floor-length gown, and Alan tells us, "I likey." I guess that is fashion-speak for "the dress looks good." But he doesn't "likey" the length. Carrie tells him that they can put her in heels, because she lives in high-heeled shoes. No, Carrie, you stumble around in high-heeled shoes; you don't actually live in them. Alan thinks that the dress would look better on Heidi Klum. A photographer comes in and starts taking pictures. Alan introduces Carrie to Paul, the photographer. Carrie knows him and likes his photographs. Or does she "likey" his photographs? Alan tells her he wants her to try another outfit, and Paul takes random pictures of her while she pays no attention to him. After some flirting, Paul asks Carrie out. Alan shows her a blue sequined dress, and they both decide they "likey!" I almost gag at the baby-type talk.

Charlotte is in the stirrups at the gyno and the doctor tells her she has vulvodynia. She prescribes an anti-depressant for her vagina. I'm not going to go there.

At the restaurant where no one ever eats, Charlotte is explaining to Miranda and Carrie that anti-depressants will correct the imbalance in her depressed vagina. Miranda and Carrie ask what the symptoms are, like, "It can't meet its deadlines?" "It always want to go to Krispy Kreme?" I know many women who aren't depressed who want to go to Krispy Kreme. That would not necessarily be a symptom of depression. Case of the drunken munchies? Yes. Depression? Not really. Charlotte is annoyed with them, but then can't stop laughing. She tells them she has to keep a vagina journal. The waitress comes over and asks them whether they want to order. Carrie tells them they are waiting for someone, but that she will have a cup of hot water with lemon. Miranda suggests that Charlotte's "hmm-hmm would like to order a plate of fries." Oh that Miranda -- what a personality! No wonder men fall for her! According to Miranda's perception of food and depression, the way she was piling in the food in the last restaurant scene you would think she was down enough to kill herself. So anyway, Samantha arrives with her nude contact sheets. She asks Charlotte for her professional opinion. She tells Samantha that they aren't very "arty," and seems disgusted at the magnified picture of Samantha's cootch. She tells Samantha that she hasn't even looked at herself, so she doesn't want to look at other women's nether regions. Samantha can't believe that Charlotte hasn't looked at her own wonderfulness, and offers her compact so that Charlotte can go into the bathroom and check it out. Charlotte thinks that her vagina is ugly, and Miranda tells her that maybe that it why it is depressed. Samantha asks what she missed. You've missed the boat on subtlety and class -- that's what you've missed, Samantha.

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Sex and the City




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