Cut to Char and Harry having dinner. Char blanches when he orders the tenderloin of pork. That's right, he's a Jew who eats pork! He's breaking the rules! He's blowing your mind! Char doesn't understand how he can eat pork but not want to marry a shiksa. Harry apologizes for letting things get this far, but says with his usual passion and charm that he "couldn't not kiss her." He didn't think he could get this far with the "shiksa goddess," so he had to try. Char melts like grease on a griddle.
Carrie VOs, "From Jewish, to poo-ish!" Gawd. Mir changes Brady's diaper, then wipes her forehead, leaving a brown smear there. Hiii-dey ho! Steve, munching on a burger and fries about a foot away from the scene of the change (ew!), notices. Hey, there's poo on your head, Miranda. You know, I'm working as a part-time nanny these days, and while I've been peed on by my charge, I've never gotten poo on my head. And MAY IT NEVER HAPPEN. The baby I sit for (or on, as I like to say) has massive, diaper-busting poos. He's still a vegetarian; do you get the picture I'm painting? I was hoping for tiny, easy-to-manage marbles; you know, adorable little rabbit-pellet poos. With ribbons on them. And when he would fart, it would be the sound of a thousand angels singing. But it doesn't happen that way. Dammit. Anyway, Mir, there's poo on your head. Steve points it out, and she smears it to the other side of her forehead. He starts to giggle, and she says, "Baby-wipe me!" He does, cracking up the whole time. Then she grabs the poopy wipe away from him and chases him around the room with it. Then he pleads with Brady to "make Mommy stop chasing Daddy." Mir stops dead, and her eyes start glistening. That hit her in the heart. She starts yelling at Steve, saying she doesn't have "time for this," for him to sit around her apartment reading the paper and eating takeout, and doesn't he "have a life?" Steve says yeah, he does have a life. He kisses Brady and leaves, mad. Oof.
Carrie opens her door, and gets out a quick, breathless "hi," before Mir lets her have it: She's in love with Steve. And she needs a drink. She hands off Brady to Carrie, who seems to enjoy joggling the little one around. Carrie finds Triscuits ("from the '80s") and asks if Brady can eat crackers yet. No. And Miranda is in love with Steve! She can't be in love with him, as they "have too much invested in this relationship!" Wow, it's so backwards. She has a child with the man she's in love with and sees the love as a conflict! Miranda has a heavily guarded heart. Carrie keeps joggling the baby around as she listens to Mir wind down. Mir decides to take Steve somewhere romantic for dinner so she "can't pick a fight," and then she can tell him how he feels. Carrie says, "Oh my GAWD, Miranda, you're asking Steve out on a date!" Miranda rolls her eyes. Hey, Mir, I'll race ya.