Sex and the City
To Market, To Market

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Alex Richmond: A | Grade It Now!
To Market, To Market

Lights up on a pair of leathermen in assless chaps. Well, lights up on a pair of asses. Sam stalks the sidewalk and says "hi" to all her friendly neighborhood slaves at the Rampole, and blanches at the sight of a "Coming Soon...Pottery Barn" sign covering a window. Hee. A Humvee rolls up blasting some Xtina, or Britney, or god knows what (if it's not Justin, I ain't listening to it), and Sam says to the assembled leathermen, "Just what we need, another Wall Street asshole with money." But this Wall Street Asshole is a fucking hottie. They meet at the door, and Chip Kilkenny says he just moved in. Sam introduces herself as "Samantha Jones, 3F." He's in 4F, so Sam is "right under [him]." She purrs, "That sounds promising." Then, the obligatory Hummer joke -- she "loves a good Hummer." Groan. Those damn cars are annoying as fuck. I can drive faster than them in my Mazda Protege, and more quietly, and get better mileage. That's right, I raced a Hummer and won. So I drive like a cab driver, what's it to you? And aren't we supposed to be coveting smaller cars these days, like the Cooper Mini? Oh, right: we need giant penismobiles on this show for the pun factor. Well, just this once. And Sam? Do you really need to try so hard all the time?

Charlotte is on top of Harry, in a frilly little demi-cup bra, fucking away like a champ. He says he's close, and she asks if the Jewish thing is "really a big deal." He says, "No, no, oh, oh!" Sneaky little Protestant!

In the morning light, Char tries to pretend like Harry's "no" was a contract. Good morning! Ha ha, so glad we're past the you-have-to-marry-a-Jew thing, ha! Coffee? Harry says he can't even remember his own name right before he comes, so whatever he said is void. Char whines and pouts, then asks (it can't be for the first time, can it?) why this is such a big deal. Harry squirms a bit and says he "promised his mother [he] would marry a Jew." His MOTHER? Char looks off into the distance. A Yentl-esque violin starts up. And Carrie VOs what faithful watchers already know, which is that Char has already dealt unsuccessfully with a whipped guy and his shrewish mother. Poor Char. Then Harry adds, "Right before she died." Char touches his hand and apologizes, then tries to say that if his mother were alive, she'd get over it and love Char for a daughter-in-law. Harry says no, keeping tradition alive was too important to his mom, particularly since she had relatives who died in the Holocaust. Char says now she can't argue anymore, since he brought up the Holocaust. And the only jokes I can think of are stupid, like how you can't bring up Hitler on the internet because it makes people go crazy. Whatever.

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Sex and the City




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