Before the show starts, there's a half-hour premiere party show hosted by Karen "I really do wear Almay" Duffy, and basically it's just a bunch of people that work on other shows on HBO telling Duff that they think Sex and the City is the greatest show ever and how they can totally relate to the characters on the show, and how the show has been able to let people be more open about talking about sex. Whatever. ["Word. Shut up, y'all! Karen was shouting at everyone and they were yelling back so loudly I thought for a minute that I was still watching Malcolm in the Middle." -- Owen] Duff then interviews the two women in charge of wardrobe, Patricia and Rebecca Field. Patricia is an old bat with candy-apple red hair, and I'm assuming Rebecca is her hairy-armpitted daughter. They talk about how they dressed the girls in Dior, Dolce & Gabbana, and Kavali (and I have no idea if I spelled these names correctly), and the clothes look very seventies, which sort of scares me. According to people who went to this premiere party, this show starts fashion trends, and I would be a little uncomfortable wearing some of the fugly outfits they were showing off. Next we get to see the new drink for this season, which is a French Martini that Sarah Jessica Parker has lovingly renamed the "Flirtini." Yeah, I'll flirt your tini. Duff then interviews the writers of the show, and they tell her that they get their stories from their own dating and sex lives and from people who tell them their own stories. So, I guess this show is a dramatization of real-life stories, but with good-looking people. ["And Sarah Jessica Parker." -- Owen] So then there's more talk about how real the show is (because now we know they use real stories!) and how great the show is, yadda yadda yadda, start the show already!
So the show finally starts, and they use the same old credits with Carrie walking down the street in a ballerina outfit looking smug, until she gets splashed by the bus with her picture on it.
The girls are on a ferry on their way to Staten Island. The voiceover tells us that Carrie has been asked to judge a FDNY calendar competition, and since she can't go anywhere without her girlfriends and it is a place where they haven't slept with half the male population, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha come along. They are all bundled up, so we are supposed to know it's cold, and Miranda is wearing a full-length fur coat; Samantha is wearing some full-length, blood-red fur-looking monstrosity; Carrie is wearing some long, white Helen Keller Original that has no rhyme or reason to its design; and Charlotte is wearing a simple pink felt jacket, to symbolize her innocence. They start whining about having to leave Manhattan to meet men, and Miranda wonders, "Who would have thought an island that tiny would be big enough to hold all our old boyfriends?" No kidding -- and Manhattan isn't even that tiny. It's just that they all get around faster than the blades of a helicopter. ["The island of Manhattan is infinitesimal compared to the 'rescue' metaphors in this ep." -- Owen]
So now they are at the bar where the firemen are on stage dancing like a bunch of no-rhythm-having fools, and the place is jam-packed with women sweating and squealing. Carrie and some other people are sitting at a table up front judging, and Carrie gives the guy on stage a "6." There is one man judging and he asks Carrie if the guy on stage is hot, and in a voiceover we find out that the man is Bill Kelley, a divorced politician running for comptroller and the token male judge. He keeps staring at Carrie, and she tells him to watch the men. Gee, I wonder where this is going?