Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Teenage Guide to Popularity

"That woman was my heart and soul. She practically raised me!" It sounds like Frank bullshit, but honestly it would explain a lot. And so Fiona's back on freaking out, because now they really are committing felony, as well as squatting, and finally Veronica's like, "Why not just go borrow one of my old people?"

So they go to the old folks' home and interact with various olds while Veronica explains why each of them is an unsuitable candidate. They need somebody not so lucid, but also free of overwhelming medical trauma, but also somebody who doesn't have family visiting too much, but not so far in that direction that they're just completely walking the cow, and Debbie is falling in love with all of the olds one by one, and Fiona calls her over.

"You know how your friend Sophie's Nana couldn't remember anything, because she had Old People's Disease? We're looking for somebody like that." Frank makes noise about not being stuck in a home and Fiona laughs that he'll outlive all of them, and you know the bastard will, and then she worries if Veronica will get in trouble for letting them steal olds, and Veronica says the harshest grossest thing: "Girl please. This place is just like what you see on the news. A month ago, one of the night shift guys got caught fucking Mrs. Hebert who's in a coma? He just got a raise." Too far, I think, bridge too far. And anyway, there's a crazy-looking Aunt Ginger right there, lecturing a ficus on cooking au gratin, and Debbie's like, "Found her" and everybody agrees that she is perfect.

More Milkovissues outside the Kash & Grab, once they've closed up for the night, and they finally go away, and in the back of Kash's truck Ian is like, "This sucks, I shoulda just fucked her," and Kash tells him that's not how it works. And Ian says that Kash can shut the hell up, because tell me again about relationships with women when you're gay, and Kash admits he had no idea he was gay until after he married my wonderful Linda, so it's not fair to throw that in his face. Ian's like, "No, I'm going to be straight like you are then," and Kash knows he's not serious and says he'd be happy to join Ian out in the sunshine except he loves his kids, so follow my example by not following my example and complicating things for yourself. The last thing this relationship needs is another wife; on the other hand there is no other way this storyline could possibly play out.

Aunt Ginger remembers her house well, despite never having been there before, right down to the bookcase her brother Norman did not build, and Debbie of course takes her in hand immediately. Meanwhile Mr. Perry is still there in drag, so Frank shoves him out into the street like the Mole Man, and he wanders away, and that little second of him standing in the yard in a dress and makeup felt to me like the truest thing of this show so far. Grim, grisly, hilarious, shameless.

Long montage of Debbie and Ginger doing loving grandma-type things together, which while enjoyable is also clearly the most efficient way for us to care what happens at the end of this episode, but since it does the trick I'm not going to call it a gimmick. Let's just say "efficient storytelling" and leave it at that.

I'm not saying I wouldn't watch an entire show of batty fucking Ginger and weird little Debbie doing crafts and baking things. I would watch the shit out of that show: "I was 26 and I was working as a secretary for the USO, and one of the dancers broke her foot. And before you know it, they're pulling me off the typewriter and they're teaching me the dance steps for the show that very night. Oh, from that point forward, I was a regular dancer!" Did you ever dance with anyone famous? "Dance? No, honey, I'm not a dancer! Let's see what's on now..."

Steve drops off the tickets and Fiona's frosty and he's all, "Well, if you need me, I'll be across the street in the bushes stalking you," which gets a smile from her that she pretends never happened, and then outside there are the Milkoviches being rough and tumble some more, bothering Steve and yelling up at the windows -- "Hey, Lip! How's your lip?" -- and whatever. Upstairs, Ian's like I did nothing! and, although Lip assumed that, he's still in perfect Big Bro mode: "I know that, Ian, but her brothers think you did." Just very calm and good, face all torn up: "You're probably the first guy in her life who hasn't tried to jump her."

Ian is still traumatized by the way she came at him, and Lip is like, "One option would be to throw it in her, for safety," and Ian compares this to Lip throwin' it in Kash, and he just grins. "Why, is he asking about me?" Yeah, he's going to fuck all the Gallaghers eventually. Lip laughs, like, That's cool, but gets serious again: "Eventually, you're gonna have to take the beatdown for this, you know," Ian does, they sigh, life is hard when you've got a hypersexualized tweener coming at you with an army of droogy backup.

Next morning Ginger and Debbie are making eggs benedict for everybody -- "I've missed you, Ginger!" -- and Lip immediately notices two things: One, Ian is missing, and two, so is the Killing Bat. Frank's nervous about Abby's upcoming visit, bitching again about how he pays her salary, and his only communication with Lip is the very fatherly "It's essential that families share meals together," which is such a fucking joke that Lip grabs the muffin off Frank's plate and shovels it down.

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