"What's the total right now?" $7.56. "Okay." The girl at the register asks Fiona if that was a "keep going" okay, or a "we're done here" okay, which I found kind of touching. Like, it would never occur to me to play Price Is Right at the register this way, but in the world of this show it makes total sense, and it's very kind. Quick math while a young mom takes her kid to the bathroom to change a diaper, and Fiona's eyes light up: She puts back the diapers, pays her bill, and follows the lady to the bathroom to stage a "Liam, I forgot your diapers!" scenario where the lady kindly tosses her one. Clever, unsustainable, but very Fiona in that no-fault kind of way.

"So," says Ian afterwards, desperate to have a story of his own that doesn't indict him quite so badly, "Guess this was like a booty call, huh?" Mickey, in the grand tradition of boys, is not willing to play that game, and just heads out into the street with a "Whatever, seeya." Ian is such an upstanding young man that it's both invigorating and terrifying to watch him go through what he's about to go through. You walk into these things with your eyes open and -- real or not real? -- and twist so much of it into a more appealing shape, so when it finally falls apart on you, the worst part is watching the way you set yourself up.

Neither by hand nor by mouth will Little Frank respond. I can't handle the constant fact of Frank's junk but I will tell you this: Sheila talks to it in a funny voice.

Embarrassed -- and sad for Sheila, who assumes he isn't attracted to her when he's sober; real or not real -- Frank goes on a long "jog" that is basically him walking down the street talking to himself like the crazy cat lady with the cats all over her from The Simpsons. Eventually Debbie pops up out of nowhere and gives him some Hawaiian Punch, and he goes, "So good! Why's it so good?!" Um, because it is 100% sugar.

A short time later, they've spent all his booze money on a truly epic pile of gross candy and eating themselves sick in that van outside the house. Debs is, of course, in heaven, and once again Frank remembers how awesome she is and how they should just hang out all the time. Real or not real?