It's Time To Kill The Turtle

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Real or Not Real

Everybody's minds are blown by the fact of Ethel, and then Frank and Debbie show up screaming and bouncing off the walls -- "Oh my God, I am so wired!" Debbie screams -- and after a few minutes of talking about the Frank situation, Lip goes hard and sad and black. He knows what it means, it's happened before. "We gotta help Daddy stay busy and keep his mind off of drinking!" Debbie screams, because that is like everything she loves at once.

Frank gives a speech and then the whole family plays this awesome raucous game that's like an obstacle course through the house, up the stairs and over the couch, it's awesome, they jump over brooms and at one point you have to spin Ethel around like a turnstile, it's fantastic. Happiest thing maybe ever on this show. Lip's getting more and more morose, like everybody else has amnesia about how this ends, but even Fiona sort of gives in. Frank runs over to the piano and starts playing, everybody gawps, then he starts singing "I Will Survive," and everybody joins in, happy little family, and Lip is just about to punch himself in the dick, so they finally take off.

Steve texts Fiona, in the wake of the Candace text and his abrupt departure this morning, to say that something came up, so Fiona darkly fills V in on that whole situation, and then Frank asks for requests. "Carry Me Home on the Cross" is Ethel's suggestion, which sends everybody else off again.

After dinner, Fiona admits how overextended she is this week, and V points out that she is renting a child for money, and then it transpires that the mood in the house is so high she admits that she's thinking about taking a PowerPoint class, or possibly going back to Sticks & Skates. V snorts -- "Dicks & Dates?" -- and then makes the mistake of suggesting that Frank might stay sober long enough to get the money, and take the pressure off. Not real: Fiona compares that to hoping she wins the lottery.

And now that she's bummed, let's talk about Steve, who is probably lying about this Candace who will be dumped if that's the case. Kev appears, fully awesome right now, and goes, "Please, that fool doesn't have enough game to cheat. Did you ask him if he was? Then you have two choices: Believe him, or don't. Or you could let your suspicions grow until you turn into the ice queen and act like he's invisible until he starts sending anonymous threatening notes, and you have to report his ass to the po-po." (Historically, they exposit, this happened with a former beau.) "Fi, every guy you've been with, you cut and run. Maybe it's time you tried something new?"

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