Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now!
Black Like Monica

Fiona and V look at lawyers, per Steve's suggestion earlier, and Fiona realizes that she should have gotten custody of the kids way back when she was eighteen: "Frank was so broken after Monica left, he would have signed anything." The first lawyer the internet suggests is an Asian cowboy, and V does a funny TV-commercial voice: "He'll fight for you when you can't fight for yourself!" Nix. The next one is the lady "that helped get Carl and Debbie back when Frank locked them in that car at Indian Bingo," but Fiona doesn't like her picture either. Eventually they settle on Micha Davis, played by Mo Gaffney, who is always awesome to watch and very understated in this episode.

(Although it would have been nice to see Alex Borstein again; and did you know that she's a major player behind the scenes on this show? I missed that, before this week. Also Mike O'Malley, the hottest man is show business if it's the same one, is listed as a producer. Maybe this is not the week to be so excited about this, considering how many problems exist/I have with this episode, but still.)

Lip admits to Ian that he's been "working" with Steve, and of course Ian has a big old problem with that, but is fairly subtle and direct about how if Fiona finds out, they will all be murdered. That shoe still hasn't fallen. Lip asks if Ian's doing okay, and he pawns it off on the Monica thing, but Lip knows there's more, and after some very sweet noodling around from Lip, Ian finally owns up and explains his whole storyline with Kash and Linda and Mickey Milkovich, and even Lip is impressed by how fucked up that situation is.

Mo Gaffney is kind and funny and helpful with Fiona, but the bottom line is that you're talking about a below-poverty 21-year-old looking for custody of like five kids, which is impossible even considering the epic incompetence of both parents. Best case scenario is that they all go into CPS until the judge figures it out, no matter how many times Frank shits his pants right there in front of him or her. Fiona keeps insisting everybody call her mother "Monica," which is what passes for characterization in this episode, because later she's going to slip and call her "Mom" and somebody's going to point out how that happened. Obviously that is what is going to go down.

So the DNA results show that Liam actually is Frank's son, but Bob is undeterred: They'll just get Frank over the barrel and sign off on his settlement if he gives up his parental rights, and that will cut Fiona out of the process entirely. Sounds like a good plan, right? But then for no real reason, they start screaming at each other out on the street, which is about nothing but providing a spurious transition to the next scene where Ian and Lip bring up to the clinic receptionist how upset the ladies were, she makes a joke about somebody committing suicide in the clinic, and then they decide to get their own DNA tests because what if Frank isn't their dad, either?

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