Karen, halfway there: "Myactionshavebeenunladylike andbaseinnature, and forthatIamtrulysorry."
(She is rushing through it because this is BS, but there's also a hint of maybe this brainwashing incest parade is doing the trick of making her hate herself.)
Promisecreeper: "Karen. In order for you to receive the full gift of purity, you need to be as honest as you can."
Promisekeeper Dads: (Sit very far forward in their chairs and imagine Karen, in her Sandra Dee dress, bouncing on their knees.)
Karen: "Okay. I started having oral sex at a very young age, maybe thirteen. It was guys around the neighborhood, three or four at first, and then, well, more than three or four. I didn't have intercourse until the eighth grade. I didn't like it at first, but then around the sixth time, it started to feel good -- really good -- but I didn't feel good about it."
Promisekeeper Dads: (Want her to talk more about how it felt bad. And how it felt good.)
Karen: "There was a few times where I got high and started experimenting with guys and girls at the same time. I wouldn't necessarily call it an orgy, but there were a lot of naked body parts flying around, which felt very good but kind of bad all at the same time.
Promisekeeper Dads: (Looking very Ren & Stimpy/Tex Avery pimp-wolf at this time.)
Karen: "And then there was the time at Mindy Carlson's sleepover when we all got in the shower and started soaping each other up, and then her mom walked in and freaked out when she saw Mindy in the shower with a big black strap-on dildo..."
Eddie: (Having lost control, in like a larger sense, goes into a hate hurricane and almost punches his daughter, screaming at her about what a whore she is and how whores don't get cars.)
Karen: (Suddenly realizes the entire point of this awful exercise; she has been tricked into indicting herself for a crime that is not actually a crime unless you're a gross fantasy-pedophile like the Promisekeepers are, in which case by all means keep talking.)
Monica presents Ian with lasagna, which in her mind is his favorite food, and Lip is not even coming to this awful dinner idea, and Bob just wants to talk more about moose and squirrel, and Fiona tells them both to suck a dick. Then Lip comes in and once again Bob goes after him in a very specifically maddening stepfatherly way, because Lip is the man of the house and doesn't give a shit about Bob's authority which is two things that drive her crazy, because she's an asshole but a very realistic asshole. Lip produces the DNA results and we learn that... Ian is not Frank Gallagher's son.