Welcome to Season 3 of Shear Genius, dear readers! They've shaken things up a little this season, starting with a new host, Camila Alves. She's hot, she's modeled, she has two children with Matthew McConaughey, and she has a thick accent and great hair, all of which makes her totally qualified to host a hairstyling reality show! Jonathan Antin (formerly of Blow Out) is a new judge and joins Kim Vo, who is the only familiar face from last season. We have a montage of the tantrums that are to come, and Camila tells us that the winner of the show gets $100,000 from Nexxus Salon Hair Care, an apprenticeship with Nexxus, and the opportunity to style hair for an Allure photo shoot. But most importantly, that person will be SHEAR GENIUS.

The new stylists all file in, and we meet Giacomo, who has kind of golden-brown Kenny G hair, and who is drooling over Camila. She greets them all and reminds them that they are the twelve most talented stylists of everyone who tried out. Unspoken is that they are also likely to be nuts for the sake of entertaining television. April has a salon in NYC and has a "me and my shears against the world" attitude for no apparent reason. Adee is from London, and his (quite legitimate, actually) claim to fame is that he gave David Beckham his fauxhawk. He doesn't call it that, though they show some pictures, which makes me wonder if someone snatched up that copyright. Jon is from Nashville and is that douche who keeps his sunglasses on indoors so that he'll stand out from everyone. His obnoxious attitude will probably do that just fine on its own, as he describes himself as "a large pill to swallow." It's too easy to make a sex joke as if I had the maturity level of a teenage boy here, isn't it? Faatemah is from Minneapolis and says that the competition is going to be a bloodbath, and someone is going to go home in a "body bath" but it won't be her. Camila says they have London and the US, and asks what else they have. A girl with horrifically processed-looking, brassy hair says she's from Simi Valley, and there is a kind of record-scratch effect as if to say, what kind of imaginary city is that? And though this girl, Brig, tries to make it sound like a tiny hick town in the sticks where everyone gets around on their horses, I just find it all incredibly lame as I grew up near there and while it's not a glamorous town by any possible stretch, it's not some country town where they just got electricity and indoor plumbing. It's true that they didn't have a mall, which meant that those poor, mall-starved teenage girls had to drive, oh, ten miles to get to one in a neighboring town. It's a wonder that anyone ever escaped to the Big City! Brig loves doing hair for regular old moms, and she's here to "take out the city folk." All the people who live in Simi Valley and commute to Los Angeles are at a danger of hurting themselves by rolling their eyes too hard at this. Between this, the yellow hair, and the overly-quirky clothes, this girl is trying way, way too hard.