Shear Genius

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Calendar Girls

And we're down to seven. The stylists file into the salon where Camila tells them that Brian's work will be on the Allure Wall of Fame, and he must not know how to just take a compliment gracefully because he acts almost a little bit surprised, which -- dude, this is what happens every week. Camila is done up in one of my least favorite hairstyles -- long hair that's been pulled up to look like a bob. She and her unfortunate hair introduce the guest judge for the shortcut challenge, and between his unusual name and Camila's accent I have literally no idea who he is -- thank goodness for a chyron, which tells me his name is Moulay Yacoubi and he's good at dry haircuts. A bunch of curly-haired models file in, and Camila tells them they each have to give their model a graduated bob, both cutting and styling with the hair totally dry, and the final style must be straight. This is met with a lot of slack-jawed stares. They pick scissor boxes, and Amy exclaims, "Oh, heavens!" which was a good language save for TV when once again she has last pick. Matthew starts off the model picking, and halfway through Brig picks a redhead because they... have the same hair? I guess her ugly fake Orangina-shade just goes to prove her lack of taste because GIRLFRIEND. You did THAT to your red hair? No. Before they get started Camila gives them one last rule -- after they finish their cut they must turn in all their cutting tools before styling. This way they can't fix a shitty cut once the hair is all smoothed out. Brig looks like she's going to barf, and she declares that no one is going to be able to do this perfectly. I don't care if anyone does it perfectly, but I just hope everyone does it better than she does.

April admits that this cut is not her style at all (and then reminds us again and again and AGAIN that she'd never give someone this cut in real life), while Janine reminds us that this is the same cut that she so famously botched in episode one. Brian thinks he has an advantage given that he's used to dealing with his own curly hair, but unless he's secretly going out with a straight bob some nights, I don't know that it's going to mean much. Ugh. Brig tells her girl that a bob can look a little "maternity" if it's done wrong. Brig, the bob isn't having a baby, and it's not too much to ask that you know the word "maternal," even if you're from the (totally not really) sticks. Remember when at one point I thought that I was done caring about Brig one way or the other? Well, I'm back firmly in the, "shut the hell up and get off of my TV" camp. I also love that she knocks it as mom hair when before she was bragging about how she totally does mom hair in her job at home. Interesting factoid: Amy is a stepmom! Now back to all of the panicked bitching about dry cutting. Moulay walks around and Janine lies about how much she totally loves being able to see what's happening as she works on her dry cut. Brig finishes cutting before everyone else, panics about that, and decides to spend more time making it perfect. I am so scared for her poor model, because Brig winds up shaving off the bottom two inches of her hair, a style popular with girls in my junior high circa 1991 that turned out to both not look good and to be a bitch to grow out again. Ha! Janine echoes what I just said about the growing out, and Brig's model looks terrified. Moulay promises Jon one of his giant bejeweled rings as a prize if he wins, and Jon is such a class act that he says he'll have to use it as a cock ring. Um... okay.

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Shear Genius




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