Shut Up, Maile

Episode Report Card
admin: F | Grade It Now!
I Hate You Guys So Much

As the photo shoot continues, Ana Maria tells us in a split screen: "I have to say that New York was a little more tedious and a little more tiring because of the long hours and because of our schedule just being back-to-back." Nicole continues: "It was like, bam, bam, bam, bam. Every second of the day was filled with something. With a photo shoot, with an interview. It was really exhausting." Luckily we really don't get to see any of this and I'm recapping a recap of their tour in New York. It's like I'm in the other room going, "Oh, and they got their pictures taken! They're tired! Someone said something but I can't see or hear what just happened!"

The girls are on their backs in a circle, just as everyone knew they'd eventually be. Nicole, finally scoring some good shit on the way to the YM shoot, passes out right before they take the group picture. She calls it "falling asleep." Ana Maria and Rosanna gingerly wake Nicole with their fingertips, knowing how dangerous it is to wake Nicole from her drug-induced slumber. Nicole wakes up and has no idea where she is. Her arms go flying up and she's about to Margot Kidder right out of that room. Ana Maria tries to laugh like this has never happened before and it's all so cute and amazing. Ivette and Maile's stone faces give away the fact that Nicole pulls this shit all the damn time. Nicole asks what she's supposed to do. "Look in the camera," the photographer says, using his gentle "Crazy Lady" voice so as not to disturb her.

Nicole tells us in a voice-over that she "literally fell asleep." She says she started dreaming. She tells us in her interview that she woke up and didn't know where she was and then she realized where she was and then she was embarrassed for falling asleep in a photo shoot. The Popstars philosophy of editing: Tell, then tell again, tell some more, show a tiny part of it, and then tell it until you don't want to see it anyway. That's how you make a reality show, people.

Driving through a tunnel at night. Traffic at night. The first day of the media tour is over. Have you caught your breath yet? The narrator says, "And even though it was a huge success, the girls are exhausted." What does that sentence mean? Ivette is whining outside a van and it looks like the girls are going to a show and not their hotel. According to their diaries on the Popstars website they went to dinner with Ivette's family that night. And those people make me giggle something fierce. I so wish we had some footage of that.

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