Shut Up, Maile

Episode Report Card
admin: F | Grade It Now!
I Hate You Guys So Much

The narrator rushes the girls to the set for rehearsal. The girls all meet the crew of Live! With Regis and Kelly. Well, they shake hands, anyway. Gelman tells them that they have three and a half minutes but it could be cut to thirty seconds if they run out of time. I think Gelman is already prepared to cut the girls.

Ivette tells us in a split screen that she's back at her home and she's going on all of the shows that she grew up watching. Because we care that much.

The girls rehearse as Kelly and Regis watch. Rosanna tells us in a split screen that she knows Regis will be fun. Then she freaks out about being on Regis. Because we care that much.

The rehearsal is over. They get into Hair and Makeup behind a closed door. No need to show us anything, guys. Just keep telling us. Next episode, can we just have it on the radio? Because if I close my eyes, it's still the same show.

Cut to Regis introducing "the winners." Then we watch the Regis footage. Just so I can hear this damn song one more time. Someone put Ivette in some nasty cow pants. Everyone else is wearing dark, shiny pants. I hate that "pwing!" noise after "every magazine said was me was on the shelf."

Afterwards, Regis asks if they all get along. They say they do. "Five women that just met each other living in a house together? Is that your final answer?" Come on, you know he almost said that. Maile reiterates that they do all get along. Maile says there are moments when everyone says, "Okay, give us our space." Regis gets excited and says, "No kidding! When did that happen?" Ha! Thanks, Reeg, for telling these girls that their show is more boring than the first five questions in Millionaire. Maile says they're like sisters. Regis plays the dirty old man and asks how many bathrooms their house has. They say three. Then they say two. Counting was not a required skill. Regis points out that this is their first talk show. The girls give the required cooing and flirting responses. The audience applauds for as long as the sign is lit.

We watch a van drive down the street. The narrator tells us that the media tour is almost over. Thank God, because I can't take the passion and drama a minute longer. My nipples can finally soften. The girls' last stop is an interview and photo shoot for Twist Magazine. They are getting interviewed by a teen girl who won an essay contest to meet them. They hug the young girl who looks like she thought she was entering a contest to meet Dream and got stuck with Eden's Crush instead. I bet she actually entered a contest to meet Destiny's Child and this is third place. Shoshana Schwartz (oh, they made her graphic say "Eden's Crush Fan") says that she's nervous to meet the girls.

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