Six Feet Under
A Coat Of White Primer

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Bridezilla vs. Not-A-Mom

Rico's out on a date with the receptionist from the American version of The Office. Here she's playing a dental hygienist who moved to L.A. from Ohio, which is TV-ese for "dull." She talks about how her dental appointments keep her busy, and Rico sympathizes: "My business too. You're never off. You could always get a call." The date says, "That must be convenient for dating...like if you want to get out of a date, you could have a friend call and pretend to be a dead person or whatever?" It's not clear to what extent she is kidding. Rico chuckles, "Come on, I wouldn't do that," but he's obviously thinking, NOW you suggest this?

Around Nate and Brenda's dinner table, Claire asks how David and Keith's adoption process is going. Well, Keith has been reading Child magazine, so that's obviously a sign of something. I should probably start doing that, now that my kid's eight months old. Keith and David say they have two home study interviews left before they can start waiting for a referral. Brenda, not down with the lingo, asks what that means. "A kid," Keith explains. Excited, Brenda asks how long they'll have to wait. "Anywhere from a week to many years," says David. That about covers it. My wife and I finished our home study about a year ago, and then started hoping to get a baby by this coming Christmas. Please see above to find out how that worked out. David says that sometimes being gay helps you get chosen faster, since birth parents have to browse through thousands of pictures straight white people. "So we kind of pop out," Keith understates. Claire opines ignorantly about what kind of person would go through all the trauma of labor and delivery, "and then not even want the kid? Who would do that?" Claire, on behalf of my son's birth parents, fuck you. Everyone rightly looks at her like she just crapped on the table. She waggles her ignorance around some more, saying, "They don't even get money, right?" David says that, as adoptive parents, they'll probably have to pay the hospital bills. "But that's where they can scam you," Keith says, referring to the risk of birth parents changing their minds. "That rarely happens," David says, correctly. But Keith continues: "It really makes you see the appeal of a surrogate." "It does?" David eyebrows at him. Keith says it's also a way to have "your own kid." "Your own" kid? Not that I don't know what he means, but if M. Tiny isn't my own, then whose the fuck is he? David points out that "there are so many kids who already exist who need homes. Why would we want to make another one?" Keith says it's for the same reason straight people do. Because they're horny, careless, and drunk? Seems like if that were the case, then David and Keith would have quite a brood by now.

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