David Chase: Yeah, but those two recaps will probably be fifty pages each. Honestly, who needs that much detail? I'm the frigging executive producer, and not even I care that much.
Alan Ball: Yeah, well maybe if you did, you wouldn't have to take two years off between each season.
David Chase: Hey! I'm the alpha-owl around here, and don't you forget it.
Speaking of people who aren't being seen at the moment, Keith is lounging in a police station parking lot somewhere. His boss comes over and assigns him to work security at the DGDJ's funeral that weekend. Keith gets upset and complains that he's only drawing the assignment because he's gay himself. I get upset and complain that he's only drawing the assignment because the writers are going to need him there in about thirty pages. The boss is unmoved by our heartfelt pleas, and orders Keith to show up anyway.
Back in the Body Shoppe, David goes to work on the corpse. Seated on a nearby table, a badly bruised manifestation of the DGDJ ruminates on the fact that he looks like "something Chef Boyardee makes." I'm betting that was not a product placement. David asks him why he never came out to his parents, and the DGDJ launches into a long diatribe about how homosexuality is a sin and how people like him and David don't deserve to lead normal, happy lives. David actually shows traces of a spine when he stands up for himself and replies that God made him gay, so he doesn't think God would have a problem with it. Darth Gayder continues to try and lure David to the Dark Side, explaining that homosexuality is a test God gave them to overcome, and they've failed. Anything else is just "liberal propaganda to justify your own depravity." Unable to listen any longer, David jumps up from the table and cowers in the back corner of the Body Shoppe. Fortunately, Foreshadowing is back there with him to keep him company.
Upstairs, Nate is studying for the funeral director's exam. He takes a quick break to call Brenda, but gets her answering machine. "Don't just lie there saying 'fuck you,'" he says, but to no avail. She doesn't pick up. He barely hangs up before the phone rings again, only this time it's a customer who wants him to come pick up a body. Nate is surprised that the pick-up is at a residence instead of a retirement home or a hospital, and is probably the only person in the entire world who didn't realize that he was being set up by Billy.
At Nikolai's "It's A Metaphor For Her Character. Do You Get It? Are You Sure?" Flower Shop, Robbie manages to casually whack Ruth in the face with a giant plant. Heh. Ruth composes herself, and tries to ask him a personal question. "How did you tell your parents you were…" "Into flowers?" he finishes. "Gay," replies Ruth. Robbie feigns offense, snitting that "just because [he] has a refined aesthetic, [she thinks she] can make assumptions about [his] private life." I'd make a joke here, but unfortunately the whole "Gustave knows more about interior design than I do" thing pretty much illustrated the kernel of truth behind that particular stereotype, so I'll pass. Robbie points out that he never asks about her and Nikolai, even though it's affecting his job, and Ruth confesses that she thinks her son is gay. Robbie laughs, and tells her to "save it for Geraldo," before suggesting that he would tell her about coming out only if she reveals "the most horrible moment from [her] intimate past." Ruth apologizes, and jams another one of those giant flowers she's so fond of into an arrangement. Gee, I think we're supposed to get that she's "blossoming" as a character here, but I'm not sure. Robbie gets the last laugh, though, smirking and snarking, "That's a shitty place for the lily."
Meanwhile, Nate is making his corpse pick-up in an abandoned building somewhere. With the ominous foreground obstructions and spooky backlighting, I think we're supposed to get that something bad might happen, but I'm not sure. He wheels his gurney into a freight elevator and heads upstairs. On the way up, he notices a photo of Claire on the wall, and finally realizes what the rest of us have known for the last ten minutes. We're all in Billy's world now. Emerging from the elevator, Nate finds a hallway decorated with the hallmark of any good psycho, excessive candle placement. He also notices the famed "Billy grabs Claire's breast" photo hanging on the wall, only this one has been captioned "Your Sister And Me -- 2001." Farther down the hall, there's a shot of Brenda and Nate in flagrante delicto, and beneath the lovingly spot-lit globes of Peter Krause's hairy ass, we see the caption "My Sister And You -- 2001." Nate continues down the gritty, gritty (tm Alex Richmond) hallway, and the "My Sister And Me" sex-pic that we all know better than to expect by now totally fails to appear. Finally, Nate reaches the main room, and finds a candle-lit path that leads him to what appears to be a dead body covered by a bloodstained sheet. The caption here reads, "You Did This To Yourself," and Nate finally gathers the courage to lift away the sheet. As he does, a fake blood-coated Billy jumps right up and yells "Gotcha!" By the way, I totally called that. ["Bullshit. He screamed like a little girl." -- Kenny The Corpse]. Billy is laughing his psychotic little head off, but Nate doesn't seem to think it's very funny. Billy begs him to see the humor in the situation, explaining, "If you mix up the letters in 'funeral' you get 'real fun.' How much do you love that?" A little, I guess, but apparently not enough to put it on the T-shirt. Nate demands that Billy stay away from his sister, and Billy does my job for me by pointing out the irony in all that. Then he pulls out a knife, and starts ranting about some perfect ex-boyfriend of Brenda's named Trevor. "What? Brenda's not allowed to love anyone as much as you?" asks Nate. "Not able," answers Billy. At this point Nate switches tactics and wisely decides to start humoring the crazy, knife-wielding freak who's holding him hostage. Despite his best efforts to maintain a creepy mien, Billy is barely able to conceal his glee at hearing that Brenda asked Nate to return his key as well. "It's probably for the best," he says, and that's a sentiment with which Nate (and I) readily agree. "Listen, I gotta go," Nate says, bolting towards the door. "Take care."