Six Feet Under
An Open Book

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Deft, where ith thy thting?

Upstairs, Lauren Ambrose is in her bedroom, and if I didn't love her before, the sight of her playing Quake III (and quite well, considering she's not even using the mouse) would have sealed the deal. In fact, I'm officially declaring this to be The Summer Of Lauren, and I plan to conduct a ceaseless campaign to get her to grant me an interview. Since I think it's a pretty safe bet that at least one person associated with the show reads these recaps (and yeah, Rick Cleveland, I'm looking at you), I'll just ask them to pass along my request nicely. After all, an MBTV interview is precisely what she needs to put the finishing touches on her big celebrity breakthrough. We can make her a household name with every last one of our billions of readers scattered across the globe. Oh, okay. I'll be honest. It's really only millions of readers, and except for that one wacky guy in Indonesia, they're mostly in North America. But still, look how much press Sorkin got just for posting in the forums. A full-length interview would probably land her on the cover of EW. I'm just saying. Anyway, Ruth "The Cold" Fisher (tm maryng) barges in, just as Claire orders Orbb to "suck on that, you ugly fuck." This time Ruth decides not to gripe about the language. Instead, she just clears her throat, prompting Claire to ask if she's ever heard of knocking, which is "like protected in the First Amendment." Sure it is. It's right there next to your right to post whatever you want in our forums. Mom shrugs it off, and shows Claire two videos that she rented for them to watch. She wants to relive the Monday Night Movies they shared in Claire's childhood, so she got Runaway Bride and The Nutty Professor. Judging by the look of disgust on Claire's face, I assumed she'd gotten the Jerry Lewis version, but I was later proved wrong.

Em City. Keller sneers in his pod, defiantly telling Beecher, "Oz didn't make you a bitch. You were born one." Then a bunch of half-naked guys start stabbing each other, and someone gets both eyes poked out. Fortunately, the camera pulls back and reveals that we're still safely Six Feet Under. David and Keith are relaxing at David's apartment, eating Chinese food and laughing at the ludicrous portrayal of gay lifestyles on pay cable television. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? David is explaining that being named deacon is a big honor, and that it would be good for business if the church referred people to the funeral home. Keith asks if they know he's gay. "I think Father Jack has a pretty good idea," says David, prompting Keith to wonder if Father Jack might not have an ulterior motive. Even though it means that David won't be able to go to church with him anymore, Keith thinks the deacon thing is great, and tells him that "one of the reasons I love you is that your religion means so much to you." While most Jewish men have already learned just how effective that particular pick-up line can be, David is finding out for the first time. "Besides, I think it would be kind of hot," continues Keith, "dating a man of the cloth." They kiss, and Keith tells David that there is one thing he has to do: be Keith's date to a Gay Police & Firemen party that weekend. "Your date?" asks David. "Do I get a corsage?" Keith is serious, though, and he's also delighted when David agrees to join him. "Forgive me Father, for I am about to sin," he moans, pulling David onto the bed. Fade to black.

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Six Feet Under

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