The next morning, Nate enters David’s room with good news. The National Cemetery will bury Private Young Bottom in an urn. David asks why Nate wants to defy PYB’s wishes. Nate tells David that he has proof that PYB loved the military, but couldn’t tell his brother. He whips out the videos that PYB watched over and over again and walks over to the VCR to put one in. When he turns on David’s VCR, the porn tape from last night starts playing. David shuts it off quickly with the remote and runs out of the room with his tail between his legs. Nate calls after him. "C’mon! It’s okay, I watch porn too!" Actually, Nate, you are porn. When could you possibly have the time or energy to watch porn?
Claire’s high school library. For some reason, Claire starts staring at a table full of popular girls. For yet another unknown reason, she decides to walk over to the table and say hi to the girls, even though they seem to hate her. "So are you guys taking the PSAT too?" asks Claire. The girls are like, "Uh, yeah." Yet another David E. Kelley sequence starts up. Claire asks the girls what happens to them in the future. Popular Girl #1 tells Claire that she’s going to go to law school and marry a great guy who becomes rich. They’ll have kids and be incredibly happy. Claire is shocked by this. Popular Girl #2, the slightly sluttier-looking one, moves to France, hates it, becomes a TV executive, and works out all the time. "I’m fairly miserable and have a slight substance abuse problem," she says. Popular Girl #3 starts a successful business, but dies of ovarian cancer at the age of 30. "That sucks!" says fantasy Claire. "Tell me about it," says PG #3, laughing at the irony. The other girls join in to share a hearty laugh, which eventually Claire joins in on as well. But then the fantasy ends, and Claire is simply laughing by herself in front of a table full of clueless popular girls who think she’s crazy. "What a freak!" says PG #1.
Church of the Poison Mind. David enters Friar Prissy’s office to tell him that the board voted to pass on Father RadiKal, because he seemed like he would be a divisive presence. Friar is pissed off, because he wanted to bring in someone who wasn’t a "conservative lap-dog that won’t challenge anyone," and he pulls out a bottle of Scotch. Can I just ask why it is that every time there’s a movie or TV show where someone drinks secretively in a dusty book-lined office, it’s always Scotch? What’s wrong with a nice Campari and Soda? Or a Pimms Cup? Anyway, he offers some Scotch to David, who refuses. David points out that he thought the world of Father RadiKal, but didn’t think he’d "be happy" at their conservative church. "Why should he be happy?" asks Friar Prissy rhetorically. "Are you?" David confesses to being very unhappy, what with all the changes, losses, and complications in his life recently. "But the one thing that helps me to deal is to have one place in my life that hasn’t changed. That’s why they call it a sanctuary." Then David cops an attitude and tells Friar Prissy that the "majority of our congregation feels the same way," and basically makes it clear that he’s not in support of Friar Prissy’s gay agenda. David exits, and Friar Prissy takes a big gulp of his Scotch.