Six Feet Under
Can I Come Up Now?

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The Real Slim Shady

A dog runs. In slo-mo. Through Los Angeles. And Nate follows the dog. Because the dog is Lisa. Don't you people see? Why do I need to explain this to you? The dog comes to rest in front of a white house with green trim and a sign reading "Mana Lisa, Mythic Adviser." The psychic dog Lisa led him to a psychic human. Her house looks like a TV psychic's office, and a middle-aged woman with short hair says a TV psychic thing: "I've been waiting for you. I have many messages for you." Nate is momentarily dubious, and he asks, "What's my name?" She tells them that "they" don't tell her his name, only that "you've lost a lot and your heart has been broken." Nate asks after the identity of the "they," and she identifies one of "they" as "an older man who watches over you. Your father? Your grandfather? He was very unhappy in life. The other one is a woman, I think. Can't be sure." Nate sits down and tries not to take her seriously, heading her off by telling her, "No offense, I think this is a huge ball of crap." That he'll further work out his demons by mailing it off to his mother, the poor dear. Anyway, Mana Lisa -- if that's your real name -- heads off his attempts to leave with an impressive Hail Mary, noting urgently, "She's not gone. She's trying to get to you. She just doesn't know how...I see a woman. I see water. She thinks you stopped loving her." Nate yells back that she's dead ["so much for thinking it's a huge ball of crap; Nate, you're so easy" -- Wing Chun], and Bahama Mama is all, "She isn't dead!" Y'all? They tried to throw a psychic dog at us! Can you believe what they wanted us to go ahead and...hey, why are you guys all still watching?

Jennifer and Failed Case Study #175-B in the Hetero Genome Study -- also known as her fiancé, "Buck" or "Striker" or whatever straight men are called in the wild -- argue right around the corner of the open casket of her dead father. That sounds dire, but...scanning for psychic dogs? It's clear! Good. We may proceed.

A cut later, Jennifer is sitting alone crying in The Room Where They Go To Cry, and David walks in to look sympathetic. Good thing he has doe-eyes at the ready, because she's got a tear-inducing monologue: "My older brother dies when I'm ten. My mother develops Alzheimer's really early. The love of my life turns out to be gay. And my dad gets struck by lightning. Why does all of this happen to me?" David tells her that he doesn't know, and tries to take her hand (transference! Did he learn nothing from...himself?), which turns out to be a bad idea. Because it makes her eeeeeeeeevil. She screams that she was so in love with David and that all she did was go out of her way to make his life easier when he came out, and for what? "Because you wanted to suck cock?" She continues on, "I hate that you're gay. I fucking hate it," before bursting into tears. David analyzes it away right there: "You don't hate that I'm gay. You hate that I lied...I lied to myself." With which he exits the room, the words "Emmy clip" blinking at the bottom of the screen in the strangest fashion.

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Six Feet Under




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