Six Feet Under
Can I Come Up Now?

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The Real Slim Shady

Ruth Mapquests their way to Burbank (make a left where it's a thousand degrees), and from the passenger seat, Ruth tells George that she has a question and wants him to answer honestly. He tells her that he always has been honest with her, but that he doesn't want to burden her with things that aren't important and would expect the same from her, and by the time he finishes spiraling down the drain of his own circular logic, Ruth can't remember the question. Was it "Why did I marry you?"

Jennifer and Bohunk thank David for all of his help, and Bohunk tells David he knows Jennifer unleashed on David, which was just making it harder for Bohunk to be there for her. Bohunk says that the funeral was "awesome," and then goes out to get the car while we on this side of the screen are all, "Straight people...is there anything they can't do?"

Claire, Anita, and Mena Suvari paint Claire's new room over the coach house. We join them in the middle of Claire calling her encounter with Matthew Barney of LAC Arts (look, if they love the nickname that much, they're gonna get the nickname, okay?) "embarrassing," and she expresses a segue-inviting wish that men just knew what to do without having to be told. Because sometimes single-sex female sexuality can be almost as dangerous, Mena Suvari coos, "Well, that's why girls are better. They know." Anita, the lesbian intermediary, responds, "I love you, but I'm not into eating pussy. I tried it once but it wasn't for me. So I'll just have to keep telling stupid guys, 'Lick my clit while you finger me.'" With which, this recap just became the best lightning rod on the legal side of the internet for the most disappointing Google searches you can imagine. Mena Suvari wonders if Claire might never have had an orgasm, and Mena Suvari tells her that she can tell her how to have an orgasm right now. Claire paints and thinks, paints and thinks, paints and thinks.

At a very real hotel in Burbank called The Safari Inn that Citysearch is too embarrassed to even have a description of on their site, George and Ruth cut on up to a dark room to discover Sam Waterston's son. He seems like a nice boy. Ruth tells Kyle (such a great black sheep name) that she wishes she could say that George had told her a lot about him, but that George hasn't. Kyle argues that it's because George doesn't know anything about him. We know you have really dry poo. And lots of it, to boot. George busts in to say that he had no part in the planning of this event and that he knows he can't change the past, but perhaps they'd be willing to start fresh. This throws the seemingly very, very unbalanced Kyle into full-on twitchy mode, and he busts out, "You can't walk in here and start saying that this is this and that is that like you're God. Because you know what? You're not God. You're not even close." George gets down to the business of it all, pointing accusingly and telling Kyle, "I want all deliveries of excrement to our house to cease," like he's talking to an inept customer service representative while trying to cancel an order with Fresh Direct. George rises in fury and tries to leave, but Ruth asks Kyle if he needs anything: "Clothing, underwear, socks?" Kyle garners no love on this end when he cuts Ruth down, replying, "No. Would you like a cappuccino from my $7500 espresso machine which I bought so I would never have to leave this motel room because I'm so fucking twisted thanks to you-know-who?" Ruth deadpans, "Yes, I'd love a cappuccino," which is best answer ever, and sends Kyle back to Twitchy Street when he responds, "I was just kidding. I don't even know how to work it yet." Ruth suggests that they go to Starbucks. Perhaps they can also Mapquest their way there, and Ruth will be the first product-placed TV shill for stuff people actually use. Maybe on their way there, she'd like to read a recap from Television Without Pity.

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Six Feet Under

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