Six Feet Under
Coming And Going

Episode Report Card
Djb: B- | Grade It Now!
Large And In Sarge

George stands in the wreckage of the ex-tree in the yard, picking up the leaves. Yes. All of them. It's completely bare. The camera pulls back to find Ruth standing still, staring at it, asking, "What have you done?" He tells her he's cut back the Crape Myrtle, and she tells him that it is, in fact, not a Crape Myrtle, but "the tree Nathaniel planted for Claire on her tenth birthday." Oh, she was too high to remember anyway. She asks, "Can't you tell a Crape Myrtle from a Bradford Flowering Pear?" Yeeeees, I guess? George tells her it was diseased and Ruth tells him it most certainly was not, and when she tells him that he's destroyed a living thing, he laughs, "Don't anthropomorphize trees!" She's all, "I don't patronize bunny rabbits!" He tells her that it will either grow back or they'll get another one, which, when added to the Nathaniel line from earlier, makes me believe he has, indeed, destroyed a precious Flowering Metaphor.

David lies on the couch in his apartment flipping channels because the funeral has already planned itself, remember? Mercifully, he does not come across another HBO show, because the HBO-cures-cancer Sunday night synergy rave promos were more than I can handle already, thanks. A phone rings somewhere and David picks it up to find a voice on the other end asking, "Who's this?" David sits on the couch and reminds the caller, "You called me." It's "Sarge." We cut to inside a bar and are reminded of the paintball episode, the big-ass dude from the threesome re-introducing himself as "Sarge." And it's none of my business, but if we're bringing David's amorous past back to haunt him, maybe somebody wants to put in a call to that cute blond boy from choir. David tells him that it's "David Fisher." Long silence. "Of David and Keith." Silence that follows someone telling you, "Actually, I kind of liked Eyes Wide Shut." David tries once more: "You made us breakfast." This time, Sarge looks around and says an I-don't-believe-you, "Hey. David. Yeah." He has no idea who that is. He explains that he found a number in his wallet and didn't know who it belonged to. You know what I do with those numbers? I THROW THEM AWAY. If I'd ever had any to begin with, of course. They get pretty steamed up at the gym. David tells him with no hesitation, "Come over." Does he have the short-term memory of an owl pellet? David, you are an idiot.

Claire cracks open a bottle of wine and navigates through a billion burning candles as Mena Suvari enters the house. Hey! Hey. Claire is amusingly giggly and nervous, and Mena Suvari is appropriately hair-challenged. She tells Claire, "You are so damned cute." Mena Suvari steps into the room a bit further and tries not to cough, and Claire apologizes for buying scented votive candles, because that will totally fuck up romance if you're either a hypercritical lesbian or that really allergic chick from Safe. Mena Suvari kisses her and Claire goes back into her identity-challenged stump speech, telling Mena Suvari, "I feel like I'm at a middle-school cotillion." Well, that explains why there's a song playing that bears striking aural resemblance to "Eternal Flame." Mena Suvari agrees, telling Claire, "You have to turn off this vagina music, like, immediately." The chick on the soundtrack must have been pretty pumped when she found out they were going to play her song on Six Feet Under. I wonder during what word of that sentence the excitement went away.

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Six Feet Under




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