Six Feet Under
Crossroads

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
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Death, dicks, dope, and a dancer

In the Lean Green Corpse Machine, Claire is driving Parker home. This, of course, makes me wonder where Parker's car might be, or how she got up to the mountain in the first place, but that's a question for another recap. Presumably one that I won't be writing on a Sunday afternoon. Parker describes the car as being both "a total love-nest," and "Graceland on wheels." Claire is still pissed, and wondering how Dennis knew about the pot, but Parker quickly changes the subject by asking, "So, your dad died, huh? What was that like?" Smooth, Parker. Very smooth. They bond, and talk about the weirdness of Claire's funeral-home upbringing, and then Parker confesses that her dad is a big shot at Disney. Gerald Levin fines Alan Ball a hundred bucks for mentioning the competition, but then gives it back when the dad turns out to be an asshole. See how sly Alan is? Their life stories thus exchanged, Claire confesses that she always thought Parker was "like a total overachiever…when in reality [she's] like this compulsive liar, danger slut." And thus the nickname was born. Danger Slut replies that she thought Claire was a "goth, arty freak girl," and then pontificates that "nobody is ever whom they seem to be." Claire amends that to add, "Nobody interesting," and yeah, Mommie Drearest, we're all looking at you.

Formaldehyde Fortress. Ruth and Hiram are watching Jerry Springer, and I have to point out that the repeated usage of Ruth to provide ironic commentary on the tawdry state of today's pop culture is beginning to get a little old. Must we have this same scene every single time she turns on the TV? In a vague nod to continuity, Ruth says that it's her friend Amelia's favorite show. Remember Amelia? The horse track girl? Yeah, I had to look her up too. Anyway, Ed Begley begins going on at length about how he liked Mad Magazine as a kid, and anybody else "who took potshots at sacred cows." You know, just like this show takes potshots at death. Get it? Ruth returns to fantasy mode, envisioning making love to Nikolai The Flower Guy as he wears a full-on Cossack costume. She returns to reality just in time to hear Hiram say, "Irreverence was my drug of choice. Still is, I guess." Well, that's good. Especially since the rest of the cast and crew are clearly all potheads.

Back at Brenda's, Cockadile Dundee has pulled Nate aside for a little man-to-man chat. He, like everyone else, tells Nate how happy he is to see him and Brenda together. "Personally, I couldn't handle her playing Freud all the fucking time," he says. "I don't give a fuck why I am the way I am." Me neither. Nate returns to the living room, where he finds the kids giggling over an old picture of Brenda and CD. It's at this point that I can tell you that Allen Coulter has obviously been watching his Requiem For A Dream DVD director's commentary recently, because Darren Aronofsky describes precisely how to create the "Bong-Cam" effect he's using here. If you're interested, Peter Krause is actually wearing the camera on a harness for all this, which is why he stays centered while the background flows behind him. Anyway, it all quickly becomes too much for Nate, and he snaps. Flying off into a jealous rage, he screams and asks where CD has been sleeping, as his sleeping bag hasn't been moved in days. Peter Krause's facial expressions are hilarious, by the way. When he discovers that CD has been sleeping in the same bed with Brenda, he gets even angrier. She claims that she didn't tell him because she knew he'd be upset (duh!), and Billy tries to help by adding, "Come on, haven't you ever slept with a woman and not had sex with her?" "No!" shouts Nate after long, pot-pregnant pause, and Brenda sends him outside to get some air. I can't do it justice in print, but Nate imitates her saying that as he heads out the door, and then adds that he's leaving for good. As she slams the door behind him, he yells out, "Have fun with your Aussie fuck-mate, fuckers!" Heh.

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Six Feet Under

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