Back on the mountain, the group leader is sermonizing to his students. "Now begins the vision quest part of our journey," he tells them, and Claire snarks that it's actually their opportunity to "starve and sweat [themselves] into a hallucinogenic state of ecstasy." Uh, wouldn't a Vision Quest actually be an opportunity to starve and sweat Matthew Modine into a hallucinogenic state of ecstasy? Possibly with a naked Linda Fiorentino? Just asking. Then again, when is Linda Fiorentino not naked? ["Dogma." -- Sars] The Leader Of The (Dork) Pack explains that the kids will be deciding which direction they take from now on, and he hopes that they've all mastered their map and compass skills. He selects a girl named Parker to lead the way, and it wasn't until halfway through the episode that I realized she was one of the girls who gave Claire her life story in last week's episode. Parker picks the correct direction, and Claire snots that's she's such a "fucking Girl Scout." This makes me laugh because it reminds me of gay Bunky's hilarious Girl-Scout joke on last night's Big Brother. Note to Jessica: I'm laughing with you, not at you. As they start hiking again, Claire wonders whether Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock will be playing Parker in the movie about her life. What, no Linda Fiorentino? I mean, the woman's practically made an entire career out of playing the danger slut. Anyway, Captain America goes all pop culture professor on us by claiming, "she'd never rate that high. She'd get one of those Buffy or Dawson's Creek chicks, tops." Of course, given both Katie Holmes and Sarah Michelle Gellar's absolutely abysmal record of picking scripts, that's actually not that farfetched a scenario. Your homework assignment for this week: Casting your favorite MBTV recappers in next summer's Mighty Big blockbuster extravaganza: Invasion of the Fishcakes II: This Time They're Scrod! Tastic!. Just so you know, anyone who suggests James Van Der Beek for me gets booted from the forums.
Rounding out our plotlines for the week, we now join Ruth and Nikolai The Flower Guy as they eat lunch outside his store. Nikolai rambles on and on about his lunch and his neighborhood and how great and passionate the Russian people are. Ruth snarks that he should go back if he liked it so much. I yawn and get up to stretch my legs. Nikolai also mentions that he was an engineer back in the mother country, causing Ruth to look at him in a new light for a few seconds. Suddenly, the St. Elsewhore appears, surprising everyone. Oy. Somebody really needs to put a bell on Begley so can't sneak up on me like that. At least he's wearing pants this time. Anyway, he offers Ruth some of his Jamaican jerk chicken (and trust me, I'm not even gonna go there), and she gets up to kiss him hello. Nikolai doesn't take this very well, as he orders an end to lunch and heads back into the store. Left alone with Electro-Glide, Ruth chooses not to do what any sane person would in that situation (i.e. run away screaming as fast as they possibly could), and instead promises him that she can handle her boss with no problems.