Six Feet Under
Eat A Peach

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I'm Ready For My Hinky-Ass Close-Up!

David just sits in pensive profile in his hinky extreme close-up while Keith answers the knock at the door. It's Mary, back already. "Okay, are you guys sitting down?" "Uhhh…I am," David says hilariously. Mary says she got her period ten minutes ago. "I came right over to let you guys know." She either lives really close or she got a ride with Kiefer. "But you took a test, didn't you?" David says. Now they ask? She admits that she didn't. And then adds that it's probably a good thing she's not pregnant after all, since she just got x-rayed at the dentist last week. "Can I use your bathroom?" Keith gestures with sarcastic grandness, and she scampers off to do whatever it is you do when it's ten minutes since you got your period and the first thing you did was get in the car. She may just be wearing that buttoned-up trench coat for reasons that I don't care to explore. Frustrated and disappointed, Keith sits next to David. "Well, you still want to adopt Anthony?" he asks. David's answer is an overjoyed hug. I'm pretty sure this isn't resolved, though; I suspect they need to keep juggling this two-storylines-for-the-price-of-one situation in case the writers run out of stupid things for Nate and Brenda to argue about. Wait -- what am I saying?

Vanessa charges right down to the Body Shop and spits at Rico, "You told our son's school principal that I was dating a drug addict?" I forget where I read this -- it might have been in Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, actually -- but I understand that part of the standard embalming process is to pack the anus with gauze to prevent, you know, seepage. I'm reasonably sure that's what Rico's doing in the Body Shop right now, because he's got a corpse's leg in the air and he's doing something underneath it that's mercifully out of frame. And as long as the director keeps it that way, I'll forgive him every wonky-ass extreme close-up he's given us so far. Vanessa's in a less forgiving mood, though, as she lays into Rico for what he told the principal. Rico tries to defend himself, but his only weapon -- a plastic wand that he just pulled out of some dead person's ass -- isn't all that useful when the confrontation is purely verbal. Vanessa yells at him about Rico calling her ex-boyfriend Kenny a "pothead" (it was actually his sister who smoked pot, way back in high school, and Vanessa broke up with the guy months ago), and revealing that she was on antidepressants, and mentioning an "incident" with a babysitter that the principal is now required by law to report to the police in case there was any molestation. She's nearly in tears at this point, as Rico clarifies that the "incident" he's talking about is when Vanessa failed to pick Julio up last episode. And Vanessa adds that the principal never said the divorce had anything to do with Julio's behavior. Rico lies that he was doing what was best for Julio. "You're full of shit," she snarls at him. "You know, lately, I was thinking there might be a chance that we might get back together, but boy do I need my fucking head examined." Vanessa's exit line is to look at the corpse in disgust and grunt, "Ugh, I can't believe I ever married a fucking embalmer." Hey, he's a partner now! But he's also been effectively shut up, so, as always, Go Vanessa.

Brenda's making Maya's bed, as Nate comes in and asks where Maya is. "You mean your daughter? I dunno," Brenda doesn't say. Instead, she just says Maya's putting stuffed kitties in all the shoes in Brenda's closet. "Brenda, I'm sorry," says Nate. She stops what she's doing in surprise and watches as he continues. "What am I supposed to tell her, that her real mother got pregnant and trapped me into marrying her? That she was fucking her brother-in-law and he might have murdered her because she tried to break it off? That he might even be her real dad?" That she's standing right behind you? No, not really. Nate slumps down on the bed and says he wanted to spare Maya and himself that. "Oh, God, Nate, I didn't even think of any of that." Nate turns and gives her a look, like, "Of course you didn't." Which, of course she didn't. She got so caught up in testing out the latest parenting fad that she never took ten seconds to consider the real-world implications. Man, Nate's going to have a job of work preventing Brenda from using the kid as a psychological testing ground over the next decade or so. Contrite for now, Brenda sits next to Nate and says they can be honest with Maya about Lisa being her mother without sharing every detail. Nate says Maya might need to know someday. "But not now," Brenda says. "Not for a long time." They kiss and make up. Can't wait for their next stupid fight.

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Six Feet Under

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