Six Feet Under
Grinding The Corn

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Djb: C+ | Grade It Now!
Once Upon A Time In Mexico

Claire is in her house, making a model house. It looks like a Barbie house, and she's putting stuff in it. I think it's her house. Nate comes in and sits down. And, well, it's time for a heart-to-heart. And Nate's there. So it's time for a heart-to-heart about dogs. "I just remember the first time I ever realized what Dad did in this house. I had this dog, Yippee." Fag. "I found him underneath my bed, and he was already dead, so I wrapped him up in a blanket and brought him downstairs to the prep room. I thought maybe Dad could fix him. Bring him back, somehow." Claire points out figurines of herself and Nate, and Nate asks, "Where's Dad?" Claire answers, "He's not here." He was in the credits, though, so...he's coming.

Brenda is a sex addict. Some guy talks about how he's replaced hookers with Krispy Kreme, which is a perfectly good tradeoff, if you want my unvarnished opinion. A buttoned-up woman near Brenda stands up and complains, "Someone here tonight reeks of marijuana." Brenda waits a second and whispers, "It's not AA." But the other woman speeches her that it's "against the rules. I think you should leave and come back when you're straight or sober." Brenda pauses again because, y'know, this episode was too short, before explaining that she's "afraid" of what will happen to her if she leaves, begging, "Don't make me leave." Oh, fine. One blowjob and I'll let you stay.

Remember that movie Session 9? It was set inside an abandoned mental hospital and it was supposed to be a horror movie, when in reality the only really, truly scary thing about it was that it starred Daaaaaaaaaaaavid Caruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuso. Anyway, this dream sequence looks a lot like that movie, with the scary underground shots and the really slowly-moving tracking shots and the fact that, really, it's kind of a little dumb. I'm sorry. But it is.

Dream Nate enters the basement carrying his dead dog wrapped in a blanket. His father welcomes him with a "Hey, buddy boy," and Nathaniel, smoking a cigarette, tells Nate that they can't fix him, but they "can give him a real nice sendoff." Late Nate unearths a small dog casket and places the dog inside, telling Nate that they need something to put inside with him. Late Nate suggests, "I know. Why don't you climb in with him? That way he'll never be lonely." Nate takes off and runs up the steps, and the door he goes the same room he was just in! Lisa sits on one of the prep tables holding Maya, saying, "I'm sorry, but I have to take something with me. Being alone for all eternity sucks like you wouldn't believe...I've decided it should be Maya." Nate utters a terrified "No." Ruth, Claire, Brenda are soon to enter wearing white dresses, David in a blue shirt but wishing for the dress. They're all holding suitcases, and David explains, "You know what Dad used to say. 'We all have to go some time.'" A gust of wind and a lightning bolt later, Late Nate enters wearing a makeshift superhero costume with the tights and the whole mishegoss and holding a scythe. Nate asks, "Who are you supposed to be?" Late Nate fires back, "Death Man. I wanted to be the Grim Reaper, but the folks at Marvel already had a copyright on it, so..." Oh, har har har. Late Nate insists, "You're all coming with me." They all walk past Late Nate and off the set, except Brenda, who offers, "I could stay if you want me to." Nate wants her now because she is, finally, the last woman on earth. But Brenda disappears, and Late Nate tells him, "Nobody stays. Including you." The scythe sparks blue, and Late Nate points it in his son's direction, but Nate takes off and runs up the steps, and the door he goes the same room he was just in! Now Late Nate wears a suit, Lisa wears a wedding dress, and the dog is alive. A sheet lies over a body, and Late Nate pulls it off to reveal Nate himself, dead and in a suit. Lisa observes, "There's the man I married," and Late Nate sharpens a knife and asks, "Who wants the end piece?" as he cuts into Nate's body's leg. Dream Nate sits down across from them and puts a napkin on his lap, because it's totally like the Treehouse of Horror where Homer keeps seeing the different realities of how the world would change when he keeps going back in time via his magic toaster. This is the one Nate decides to stick with. Because it's a dream, it has to mean something. Even though I know it doesn't.

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Six Feet Under




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