Clothes and blankets are scattered all over Rico's hotel room at the Irvine Center Quality Inn as he and Illeana swap divorce stories. Illeana is saying it's great that Rico and Vanessa still talk. Rico asks what happened with Illeana's divorce. She says, "It was like the relationship got cancer...and now we're both dead to each other." Poetic. My question is, why is Illeana wearing a bra when there's one on the floor? Is there another layer to Rico that we don't know about? He offers to "keep this going," but she says she has a boyfriend: "He's not that great or anything, but I don't know if I'm ready to dump him yet." How flattering to Rico, really. And Rico's still married anyway, as she points out. He says he hopes she finds someone special. Illeana: "I'm here at the Irvine Center Quality Inn. And I just had my brains screwed loose by a guy who can make a mutilated corpse look like a fucking movie star. So don't you be feeling sorry for me, okay?" Well I was, but not for that reason.
David and Keith are meeting with their potential surrogate, a cheery blonde who raided Bree Van de Kamp's wardrobe for the occasion. She jokes about her non-child-bearing hips, and they awkwardly say they're not worried about those. She brags about how good she is at having babies. She's had one on her own and one for a couple in New Mexico. David asks why she decided to become a surrogate. She says it's not for the money, because her husband "makes an excellent living in computers." A lot of money in computers, I've heard. David says that carrying a child for someone else can't be easy. She explains, "A pregnant woman is the most beautiful woman in the world. Everybody talks to her, everybody wants to touch her. It's like having a magical power that makes people happy." ["This is where, if I were Keith or David, I might hear alarm bells. Potential Munchausen Syndrome!" -- Wing Chun] David asks how she "gave away" the baby in New Mexico. "She never belonged to me," she explains. Keith asks if she doesn't have a problem with the parents being two gay men. "I love gay men!" she exclaims. "You two seem so good together. I would love to have a baby for you." David and Keith smile at each other happily. Don't tell her about the hooker in Vegas, guys.
Looks like Claire took Billy's advice about confronting Ruth. Claire tries to get Ruth to quit cleaning her house for a minute and talk to her, but Ruth busily insists that it's not the time and that there's nothing to say. "Don't you think it's significant that every time I make a decision for myself, you hate me?" Claire pushes. "I don't hate you, I hate your choices," Ruth says, still refusing to look at Claire until her daughter yells at her to do so. "I am an adult," Claire says. "My choices are none of your business. You had no right to call that lawyer. Dad loved me. He wanted me to be happy. That's why he left me the money." Ruth: "He did not intend to finance you while you...play house with a crazy person." "Look who's talking," Claire spits back. Ruth says that Late Nate wanted Claire to go to college. "I'm learning from life," Claire says, then turns it around again: "You don't even know what college is! You never went. That was your choice. And now you hate yourself for it, so now you're gonna take it out on me?" Ruth yells that that isn't true. "Then stop being such a controlling bitch and give me my money!" Claire hollers. Ruth raises her hand to smack Claire again, but Claire raises her own. "I will hit you back this time," she threatens. Ruth backs off. "Billy and I are moving to Ssspain," Claire hisses, "And you can't ssstop us." "Get out of my house!" Ruth screams. Claire obeys, for once.