Six Feet Under
I'll Take You

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 1 USERS: A+
Dia De La Muerta

Alan Ball: [Sigh.] I should have known this would happen. Look, Aaron is a very popular name, okay?
Aaron: Not really. You take away Hank, Elvis, and good old "Thinks He's Shakespeare" Sorkin, and we got bubkes.
Alan Ball: Oh, please. It's in the Bible, for God's sake! "And Aaron shall bear the names of the children of Israel in the breastplate of judgment upon his heart." Exodus 28:29.
Aaron: So? "The Devil can quote scripture for his own purposes." Merchant of Venice Act I, scene iii.
Alan Ball: Heh. Well, you've certainly proven that one true.
Aaron: Also, "breastplate of judgment"? What are you, Wonder Woman?
Alan Ball: Eh. Close enough. But seriously, do you really think we just sit around all day thinking up clever name gimmicks to amuse you?
Aaron: As a matter of fact I do, Mr. Alan "Perfecta" Ball.
Alan Ball: You know, I don't even know why I bothered. It's a stupid name anyway.
Aaron: Yeah, well…at least you can't make testicle jokes about it.
Alan Ball: "He among the sons of Aaron, who offers the blood of the peace offering and the fat, shall have the right thigh for his part." Leviticus 7:33.
Aaron: Eh. Close enough.

Formaldehyde Fortress. David is approached by a well-to-do looking middle-aged man who explains that he's the son of the MMDD (Muchacha Muerta Del Día). After inviting Rico to join them, they make their way over to the coffin wall, where Rico explains that he was a personal friend of the deceased. Before he can say too much, however, the man's cell phone rings, and he interrupts them to take a quick call about a golf tournament. I'm starting to get the sense that we're not supposed to like this guy, and when he hangs up and explains that he's an orthopedic surgeon, my hatred is complete. Not because I don't like orthopedic surgeons, mind you, but only because I'm now fully justified in calling him Dr. Dildo for the remainder of the recap. After perusing the Coffin Wall for a moment, Dildo selects one in expensive mahogany, then looks appalled when shown the Our Lady Of Guadalupe casket his mother has already chosen. "This looks like some kind of gang-banger, low-rider, I don't know what," he complains. "She chose [that one] because she was living on a fixed income. I have money, and I want to change it." Rico is near furious at this, and repeatedly insists that they honor the wishes of the deceased. Finally Dr. Dildo turns to David, saying, "Mr. Fisher, I'm offering your business more money. Now your associate seems to have some kind of conflict of interest that I don't understand." Of course, he also calls their business a "piece-of-shit operation" and accuses David of being unable to "get out of [his] fucking way," but that's not until after David explains that Fisher & Sons is legally bound by the choices in the MMDD's pre-need. Once Dr. Dildo has stormed out, David calmly announces that he's going to make a salad (hee!), and Rico suspiciously inquires as to whether or not David would have taken the extra money for an upgrade if he weren't legally required not to. "To be perfectly honest," replies David with a sneaky smile, "I'm not entirely sure we ARE legally bound." Rico then smiles himself, remembering the way The Late Nate used to care for clients, and that's our cue to begin the week's first flashback.

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Six Feet Under




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