Starring: Marlee Matlin, Christy from Survivor, and Maya Kimmel-Fisher
Plot: A sassy, hearing-impaired lesbian couple uses their unique talents to perform covert anti-terrorist operations for the US government while struggling to raise their totally mute adopted daughter. Wacky hijinx ensue.
Locust Lanes. Brenda looks up from the book she's reading just in time to catch Joe feeding a bunch of cats out on the lawn. She wanders out to join him, wondering if all the cats belong to him, or just to the writer who wanted to bring a little feline symmetry to the opening and closing episodes of the season. "No, they're the building's," Joe explains. "But if I don't feed them, they're just going to eat dead, diseased birds or something." Which, to be perfectly honest, they'd probably enjoy a whole lot more than the processed chemical kibble he's doling out here. And by the way, I was really trying to be polite and not mention the fact that Brenda is sporting two of largest mammary glands on the planet and isn't even offering to share the milk, but I just can't help it. Those things are ginormous. And you can't tell me they were always like that. That's totally something I would have noticed. Trust me. Anyway, Joe goes on to describe himself as being "so fucking noble" for being willing to feed the cats, but not willing to get them spayed or actually find them homes. And then at long last Brenda finally gets us off the subject of the damn cats by apologizing for "unloading too much personal stuff" on him the last time they met. Then she asks if he still wants to go out. Unfortunately, going for coffee isn't an option at the moment because the place is closed on Sunday and Joe has to do his laundry first, anyway. He suggests dinner instead, and placates Brenda's anti-dating sentiments by calling it "lunch in another time zone," and affirming that he already knows "sex is not an option." Powerless to resist the charm of a man who obstinately refuses to make the obvious "I promise not to get too horny" joke, Brenda accepts the invitation and heads back inside. Fk = 47.
The Dead Man's Party continues in full swing as Claire and her dad walk around checking out all the sights. Claire is astonished to see a monkey there, but The Late Nate doesn't think anything of it. "What?" he asks. "You think monkeys don't die?" It's good to know that Alan Ball agrees with the sentiment that monkeys and ninjas make everything better, although I will admit to being a little disappointed that it wasn't a flying monkey. After all, every time a bell rings, a monkey angel gets his wings. Because I'm a freak, I watched this scene in slow-motion a half-dozen times trying to see if there were any past DGDJs walking around in the crowd, but unfortunately the casting director must have been too busy trying to make sure that James Cromwell was signed for Season Four to make any extra phone calls this week. But then just when I was about to give up hope completely, Claire spies Gabe and his little brother Anthony playing catch out on the lawn. "He's dead?" she asks, much to the delight of a significant percentage of our promo-dissecting posters. "Don't ask me," answers Dad. "This is your thing." I have to admit, I never ever thought they'd bring Gabe back. I mean, there are some tertiary characters I'd love to check back in on (Tracey, Mitzi, hell, even Gilardi), but Gabe wasn't really one of them. And I'm not just saying that because he stole Lauren away from me back when our love was still new and exciting. I just figured they'd gone as far as they could go with him, but I guess not. Fk = 47.