Six Feet Under
I'm Sorry, I'm Lost

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
It's a Dead Man's Party, Leave Your Body at the Door

Anyway, Claire and Gabe sit down for a conversation, and one look at that scraggly goatee is all it takes to bring my Gabe Hate back to full strength. And those ridiculous hoops in his ears aren't helping, either ["And Aaron said unto them, break off the golden earrings...and bring them unto me." -- Exodus 32:2]. Gabe explains that life "just wasn't the right environment" for him, and that he's doing much better here in the afterlife, where he's taking care of his brother and "doing the whole home-schooling thing." Claire seems genuinely happy to hear that he's doing okay, and doesn't even rub in the fact that all nine trillion of Eric Balfour's pilots have failed since he left the show, or even the fact that he was replaced on 24 by freaking Darlene from Roseanne. Their conversation is kept mercifully brief when Anthony comes over to say that he has to go to the bathroom, and I don't even want to think about the spiritual and biological implications of dead people needing to urinate. Nor do I want to consider the fact that Anthony's bullet wound is no longer visible, even though all the DGDJs we've seen so far have retained their injuries after death. Gabe says goodbye, and pulls Claire in for one final hug. "I love you," he says, and Claire's face lights up when she hears it. "I love you too," she whispers. Oy. Sigh. ["And Aaron held his peace." -- Leviticus 10:3]. Fk = 47.

Back at the church, David is rambling on about Catholic guilt and the fact that he's an Episcopalian, but all the Jew in me hears is "blah blah blah Jesus, blah blah blah punishment, blah blah blah do the right thing." Whatever. Jews invented guilt, for God's sake. It says so right there in the Bible. ["And Aaron shall offer the bullock as a sin offering, which is for himself, and make an atonement for himself and his house." -- Leviticus 16:6]. "We should do the right thing because we can do it," agrees Keith. "Because we choose to do the right thing, even if it's going to make life harder, which it often does." "I just don't know if it's right for us to be together," sighs David. "I don't know if it's wrong, either." Hmm. Let me see if I can help you out with this one, Dave. He's hot, he's madly in love with you, he shares your obsession with gay porn, and aside from the occasional bouts of emotional unavailability and irritable bowel syndrome, he's by far the best guy you're ever going to land. Why is this even a question for you? After a long moment of silence, David confesses that he slept with Patrick. Keith's face totally crumbles for a moment, but then he regains his resolve and replies with a simple "Okay." "Listen to me," Keith continues. "I love you with all my heart, and I'll do everything I have to do to work through this, because I don't want to lose you." This highly tender moment is suddenly interrupted when the service ends and everyone comes streaming out into the lobby. Oops. "I can't promise you anything," says David. "Just don't give up," insists Keith. "Not yet." Aww. Fk = 46.

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Six Feet Under




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