Starring: Derek Jeter, Arthur Martin, and Dan London as Lance Lott
Plot: Three best friends have their relationship put to the test when their electronic music album becomes a surprise #1 hit. Things go especially wrong in the pilot when one of the boys gets the chance to date Mariah Carey, and wacky hijinx ensue.
Claire, meanwhile, is dancing in the slumber room with Maya. And is it just me, or are we seeing baby's first steps here? I only ask because I'm fairly certain we've never seen her walk before, and yet you'd think they'd make a bigger deal out of it than just a quick shot in the middle of a montage. Oh, well. I don't know why I'm watching the baby anyway, especially because this is the last time we'll be seeing Claire all year. Farewell, my sweet. You'll know my love is true when I actually pay eight bucks to see a Mike Binder movie. Fk = 54.
Smash cut to a car weaving through traffic, with a bloodied and battered Nate slumped behind the wheel. The Late Nate is riding shotgun, and he's giddily suggesting that Nate head to a perfect little spot he knows on the highway where he can drive the car right into a canyon. "Look at you," Dad says. "You're such a mess. You'll take anyone as long as they'll fuck you or fight you. Let me tell you something, buddy-boy. Those are just love taps. Wisps of nothing compared to the nut you'll bust when this whole fucking car rips through you and tears your ass in half. You'll shit a million stars!" Wow. That's almost poetic, in a...fecal sort of way. Suddenly, Lisa appears in the back seat. "Go ahead, honey," she encourages him. "It's the least you can do for me. You know you fantasized about me being gone, and now you got what you want." Lisa and The Late Nate both pile on Nate with more and more suicide suggestions, with Lisa coming off particularly creepy when she tells Nate that, this way, they can be "together forever." Well, they do say that all suicides go to hell, so I guess that does makes sense. Nate is finally reduced to tears, and he just repeats, "I don't want to die, I don't want to die" over and over again. Fk = 58, and that's a final folks. It comes out to just a hair over one fuck per minute. And I'm no prude, but even I have to admit that's pushing it just a little. And besides, when you say it so much, it totally takes away all the shock value. Now you're going to have to shove a spoon up someone's ass just to get our attention.