Upstairs, Claire is watching the same Schrödinger's soap opera that we saw in the season premiere. This time, it's all about Budapest and brainwashing, with nary a dead cat joke in sight. It is, however, just the tiniest bit of fodder for the small minority of viewers who still continue to believe that this entire season is going to turn out to be just a anesthesia-induced dream as Nate lies on his anvilitis operating table. But as much as I'd love to forget all about Crazy Carol and that girl with the dumb-ass rapist-imitating friends, I think we can safely say that it's time to let the Bobby Ewing fantasy die a peaceful death. I don't think Lisa is going to wake up and find Nate cleaning hair out of the shower drain any time soon. Anyway, Nate comes into the living room and attempts to pawn Maya off on Claire so that he can go out. She tries to refuse, saying that she's "as out of it" as he is and that her "energy" wouldn't be very good for Maya right now. It's all in vain, however, and before she even knows what hit her, she's got a completely silent, big-headed baby on her lap. They stare warily at each other for a moment, with Maya wondering if she'll be that cute when she grows up, and Claire wondering why all the annoying people in her life can't be as quiet as the kid. Here's hoping I'm not on that list. While Claire holds the mute reminder of her abortion...er, "baby," the soap opera gets massively subtextual in the background with one of the characters solemnly announcing, "Maybe when it comes to forgiving, you need to start with yourself." Oy. Fk = 29.
His baby thus taken care of, Nate proceeds to do what any good single dad would do in a situation like this: he heads to a seedy bar to get drunk in the middle of the afternoon. A slow pan along the bar reveals a mean-looking guy who keeps lighting matches and blowing them out, a blonde-haired floozy, and Chewbacca's lesser-known twin brother Bronwynbacca, who's been on a drunken downward spiral ever since George Lucas gave the part to his more talented but significantly less hairy sibling. Except then it turns out that the Wookiee is actually Nate, who really should try to avoid looking downward and pointing his hair at the camera. It was an honest mistake, people. Just like the fact that the MS spell-checker knows "Chewbacca" but not "Wookiee." Nate orders himself another round of drinks (he's doing shots and Budweiser), and asks the elderly, blue-haired bartender if there's any food to be had in the joint. After suggesting one of the pickled eggs in the requisite jar behind the bar, she also offers to order him a pizza. This catches the attention of the blonde floozy, who wants to share a slice with him and even recommends that they order the pizza Hawaiian-style with pineapple and ham. "I'm not a pineapple-on-pizza kind of guy," replies Nate. "Oh, yeah?" she answers, blowing smoke right into his face. "What kind of guy are you?" "The kind of guy who wants to fuck you senseless," Nate informs her. Oh. Ew. Blondie 2.0 laughs a bit, and then gives him a highly suggestive look. Whether she's suggesting sex or a haircut remains to be seen. Fk=30.