While we're still processing the prospective visual of Nate and Blondie 2.0 getting naked and figuring out exactly what he would be willing to eat pineapple off of, we cut to Brenda, meditating silently in the lotus position. Heh. She's disturbed by a strange noise coming from outside, and she heads over to the apartment across the lawn to check it out. A guy who wants to be TWoP favorite Ron Livingston but isn't pokes his head out to explain that he's been practicing his French horn, which in this case is surprisingly not a euphemism for anything. Although as someone who played the baritone in high school, I can certainly appreciate anyone who has willingly devoted his entire life to the inherent dorkiness of the brass family of instruments. If your occupation involves frequent use of a spit-valve, you're a stronger man than I. Or possibly a woman I'd like to date. Either way, I could never do it myself. Seeing as how Not Ron doesn't share any scenes with Nate this week (thus depriving me of the obvious "Dr. Livingston, I presume" jungle hair joke), I'll just go ahead and call him by his real name, which is Joe. He and Brenda share some introductory chit-chat, and Joe even offers to show her around the neighborhood so she'll know where everything is. "I'm not going to have sex with you," Brenda non sequiturs. "That's okay," replies an utterly non-fazed Joe. "I doubt there's anything in that particular neighborhood that hasn't been discovered a long time ago and turned into a tourist trap by now anyway." "I'm sorry to be so blunt," she continues. "I've, uh, been celibate for quite a long time now, and it's been a good thing for me. And you're really attractive...but you know that, right?" Well, if he didn't, he certainly would after reading the forums. ["Or my secret, dirty diary." -- Wing Chun] Brenda goes on to explain that she doesn't drink or smoke pot, and describes herself as being sort of "boring." Wow. She really has changed since last season, hasn't she? With that out of the way, she heaves her giant breasts back into their titanium-alloy portable suspension network and heads back to her apartment. Joe, meanwhile, goes back inside to toot his own horn a bit. Yeah. Sorry. Fk = 30.
Cut to a strange house, where a strange kid is watching HBO's Boxing After Dark. Given what we later learn about his family life (not to mention the toilet paper and hand lotion on the coffee table), however, we probably should be thankful he wasn't watching Mind of the Married Man. Speaking of which, what the hell is Lauren Ambrose thinking? You know, if you're trying to hurt my feelings, Lauren, it's totally working. I haven't been this depressed since the restraining order. Anyway, Nate and Blondie 2.0 enter, and Blondie sends the kid to his room by telling him that "Mama's got company." Oy. That's how serial killers are made, you know. Well, that and the clothespin thing. Before the kid is even completely out of the room, Blondie 2.0 has already stripped down to her bra and underwear, and her idea of foreplay is to simply stand there and announce, "I'm ready." Wow. I bet her spit valve gets a lot of use, if you know what I mean. And judging from the sound of your dry heaves, I'm betting that you do. Nate starts pulling off his own clothes, although I can't help but notice that his hair is so mussed up that it looks like he's already had sex. With a Flowbee. FK = 30.