Six Feet Under
In Case Of Rapture

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Djb: A | Grade It Now!
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Oh, Crap!

Nate wakes up in the night to hear the toilet flush in the bathroom adjacent to his room. The door opens and who I really thought was Lisa comes strolling out in a flowy white bathrobe. But just before I hope to ask the impossible of this show and try to make her, just her, be the one character to just STAY DEAD ALREADY, I gladly reevaluate and figure out that Nate's bedmate is Corpse Sheedy, who climbs in bed with him whispering, "Some people think I'm in heaven. But guess what." What, Corpse Sheedy? "There is no heaven." Oh, that's too bad. I guess that means you missed the last fifteen minutes of a killer episode of Fibber McGee and Christ-y for nothing, eh? Corpse Sheedy gives Nate a hearty kiss and then climbs atop him in a sex-like fashion, beginning immediately to thrust herself up and down to her own spoken-word version of the twenty-third psalm, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me." Eek. Never has there been such a literal rod or staff to comfort her than this. It could become only more awkward to be watching with this with my friend's mom, which I was, if she leaned in close to him and repeatedly said the words, "Fuck me, Mr. McAllister."

David eats cereal and reads the paper at Keith's apartment, which I guess is kind of also his apartment. Keith descends the steps in a snazzy suit and asks David if it's "too much." David all but snaps three times, and volleys back, "You are all that and a box of cookies!" Just like the delicious box of Oreos that will provide the color model of Keith and David's beautiful children. (Sssssssh. Let me have my dreams.) David repeats that he can't believe Keith is going to be "a security guard to the stars!" Keith regards the mirror and notes that he needs a new suit, and the two of them prattle about what it would be like to own a house together. David becomes titillated by the idea of a really pretty kitchen stove and begs of Keith, "Put your hands on me," but Keith repeats his mission statement that he is not to put his hands on anybody, but rather to "defuse the situation before it becomes a situation." After which, with torturous attention to the cut/copy/paste features with your standard operating model of Microsoft Office in order to remind us how strong David's and Keith's relationship now is, the writers pull the action around to David putting a hand somewhere to the south of the camera's frame and telling him, "Defuse this." Two rods? Two staffs? Double the comfort.

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Six Feet Under

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