Church Of The Inevitable Character Redemption Monologue. Father Jack delivers a suitably ironic and self-aware homily about "boldly proclaiming" the "truth." David steps to the podium to perform his reading, and, of course, his assigned selection starts with the phrase, "Let me never be ashamed." At this point, he breaks from the reading, and proceeds to deliver the same Impassioned Speech Of An Oppressed Man Overcoming The Obstacles Before Him that we’ve all already seen in every movie ever made. It’s not bad as these things go, but it still sounds better when Denzel does it. We get some mostly approving reaction shots of the rest of the cast, and then there’s a quick audio-only DEK moment of David receiving a standing ovation. When we cut back to the pews, however, everyone is silent. "God be with you all," concludes David, before fairly skipping back to his seat. Once there, he looks up and notices the second funniest shot of the entire season, which is a stained glass window bearing the image of two priests and an altar boy. There’s no polite way to explain what it appears the altar boy is doing, so you’ll just have to use your imaginations. Ew. You people are sick. It’s not that bad.
Outside, David is once again accepting the adulation of his peers. He must be wearing an MBTV T-shirt under his suit. Suddenly, Darth Gayder appears with his wounds miraculously healed, but with his post-death blue Jedi glow strangely absent. "Thank you," he whispers to David, spooning a great big ladle full of cheese onto what had been up until now an artfully handled arc. Now that young David has mastered the unashamed use of his, er, light saber, Darth is finally able to depart, presumably to go hit on Alec Guinness in that great big gay bar in the sky. Back on Earth, Eddie and Keith approach, and they both gush to David about how impressed they were. Incidentally, because Eddie is an EMT, and because thinking about Third Watch Eddie is making me all nostalgic for my first ever recap, I’ll be referring to him as Third Wheel Eddie in these, our few bright shining seconds together. ["It's 'FIFTH WHEEL,' for God's sake! $253 million I paid for this, people." -- Sars] Anyway, Third Wheel Eddie senses that Keith and David still have some things to discuss, so he excuses himself and heads for the car. You can say what you want about Third Wheel Eddie (and Lord knows, I’ve said almost nothing at all), but you can never accuse him of not getting a hint. David and Keith stare soulfully into one another’s eyes for a few moments, and then Keith finally leaves, telling David not to "be a stranger." Wow. I haven’t seen smoldering man-on-man love like that since Doggett and Skinner.
Nikolai’s Flower Shop Of Lurve. He and Ruth bask in the afterglow; she frets about having missed church. He hands her a rose, which prompts Ruth to say, "I’m never going to marry you. I’ll be your friend, and your lover, but never your wife." Nikolai offers to try to convince her, and I start praying to God that they’ll cut away before he starts.