The St. Elsewoods. Ruth and Hiram drink champagne by the fire, and while Ed seems determined to reminisce about camping excursions past (especially when he recollects what they ate the first time they ever went), Ruth's mind is in an entirely different place altogether. "Did you know you're not supposed to go camping if you're menstruating?" she asks. Uh, no. Actually, I didn't know that. Neither did Hiram, apparently, as he evinces surprise when Ruth explains that The Late Nate once buried a young woman who was mauled by a bear that smelled the blood. Okay, first of all, ew. Secondly, is that really true? Perhaps one (or nineteen) of my loyal readers can let me know. It's a pretty safe bet that at least some of you are getting outside more often than I am. Hiram tries to put the moves on (ew, again), but Ruth busts out the trusty old "I've got a headache" standby. And then, surprise, surprise, she pulls out the bottle of aspirin and downs a few pills. Dun DUN dun!
Babylon West. Dave and the HDH are hanging at the bar when Ho Boy asks what's up with the guy that's been staring at David all night. Oh my God! It's Keith! Dun DUN dun! David frantically tries to crawl under the bar, or into a ceiling vent, or anyplace else Keith won't be able to see him, but it's too late. He's coming over. HDH wants to know if Keith might be into a threesome, but David just warns him not to mention the drugs because Keith is a cop. There's an awkward greeting, and then Keith points out that this is the last place he ever expected to see David. Dave explains that the whole thing was the HDH's idea, and that "Kurt" (as he insists on calling him) teaches square-dancing. Keith laments the fact that he was never able to get David to dance even once, and then Keith's new boyfriend shows up as well. The new guy is both bigger and blacker than Keith (as well as Chris Rock), and we're told that he's an EMT that Keith met on the job. They were both called to an accident involving newlyweds in a car crash. New Boy saved the bride, but not the groom, which prompts David to blurt, "Wow. So the bride had eternity with the man she loved right in front of her, and then you go and save her and she ends up left behind alone." This faux pas leaves everyone silent for a moment, and then Keith decides it's time to leave. David is mortified, but the Hoedown Ho just can't wipe the shit-eating grin off his face. "I bet they have great sex, you know, with the uniforms and all?" he theorizes, before continuing, "I dated a cop once. Total control freak. Now firemen, on the other hand…" For a variety of personal and psychological reasons, I'm choosing not to take that as a shout-out to my dad's tenure with the FDNY. David isn't happy about it either, asking, "Is dating like an excuse for you to figure out what you want to be when you grow up?" HDH snarks right back with, "I don't know. Is dating like an excuse for you to see who you wished you'd been when you were my age?" They stare deeply into each other's eyes for a moment, and then do that only-on-TV thing where they go instantly from mad to macking. As they kiss, though, David opens his eyes to search the room for Keith. Aww.
From here on out, David's scenes in the club are intercut with Ruth's in the St. Elsewoods. She wakes up, and takes a giant swig from the canteen while the Begster snores beside her. She grabs a flashlight and heads out for a nice night-time stroll through the forest. Back at the club, David is dancing again. Or at least trying to. I suppose it's possible that he's just having a seizure. HDH pulls out a little brown vial of something and presses it to David's nose. My complete and utter cluelessness about the club scene is causing me to assume that it's cocaine of some sort, but I'm sure I'll be corrected on that any second now. Especially since there's no way that David would ever knowingly do coke. ["And it's probably amyl nitrate, but I don't get out much either, so we'll just wait for your nineteen letters to set us straight." -- Sars] Anyway, Keith sees them, and he's none too pleased. He grabs the New Boy and leads him out of the bar as David and HDH get funky on the dance floor. Pretty soon, they're both shirtless and doing some recycled square-dancing moves (again, a nice nod to continuity -- it's the same move HDH taught him last week). I can't even begin to explain the hilarity of David's facial expressions here, so I'll just throw in another "convorsation," and move on.