Six Feet Under
Life's Too Short

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
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Death, dumb, and blind

At Claire's school, Gabe's Pot Friend from the opening scene is holding court in the lunchroom. Claire wanders over to ask after Gabe, but the friend hasn't even spoken to him, because he's "not interfering. It's too much to get into, you know?" Claire, in fact, doesn't know, and accuses Pot Boy of not being a very good friend. "If you're so worried," he replies, "why don't you go fuck him again? Maybe that'll cheer him up." Heh. I like this actor. Claire, however, does not, and she takes a moment to inform the entire student body that "Parker told [her] that one of [his] testicles is freakishly small. Like a peanut." Marry me, Lauren.

Formaldehyde Fortress. David is still drinking water and rooting through the cabinets looking for aspirin. When he finds the bottle, he gets a sudden flashback to the night before, with the Hoedown Ho handing him two extra pills, "for later." He reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out the tabs of Ecstasy, but just then Mommie Drearest appears, and he's forced to hide them in the aspirin bottle. Of course, if he really wanted to hide them, he would have also taken down the seventy-foot-tall flaming neon sign above them that reads, "Wacky Hijinks Ahoy." Instead, he just turns to listen to Mom, who is doing a load of laundry in preparation for her camping excursion. "I'm doing whites first," she reports (whereas I've got sheets and towels in the dryer at the moment), and this prompts yet another flashback, this one to the Hoedown Ho's tighty-whiteys, which David removes with his teeth. There are several quick-cut flashes of the boys in bed, including one position whose logistics I won't even pretend to understand, and then an overly clever audio cut of Mommie Drearest's voice brings David back to reality. He puts the aspirin back into the cabinet and leaves, all the while struggling to ignore the fact that he and everyone else on the planet knows that he could have just taken the bottle with him. Or, you know, just have put the pills back in his pocket the first time around.

Anyway, we're back at the school. The Danger Slut warns Claire that she's in a danger zone with Gabe. After Kenny Loggins wanders by and asks if anyone's heard from Jim Messina lately, The Danger Slut points out that if Claire hooks up with Gabe now, "it'll be like total emotional rape. Whatever he feels for you is going to be wrapped up in some guilt-grief fuckfest. You better stay away from that shit. I'm not kidding." Neither am I. The boy is bad news Claire. Run away! Run away!

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Six Feet Under

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